Life in Motion

People walk, moving around

They talk like there’s no surround

Sounds of laughter and howl

Faces like those of ghoul



The walls are cold and stingy

Lies, doubts cover the grounds so dingy

The air is tainted with conspiracy

And souls of men are filled with uncertainty



Listen! To the clacking of those heels

Of people with no aim to seal

The sound of mindless contemplation

Of goals not worth a dedication



People live without ever living

Walk through their paths so misleading

Chained to the ground to the sky to the sea

While those who are free are called crazy



See! The living deads with their pride

Deluded, the world is on their side

Claiming they are kings of the world

Thinking they worth more than a pot of gold


People carrying their weapons

Their pockets wedged with ammunitions

Some die slowly some brutally

And all will do eventually



They stack a pile of bricks and call it home

Fly like a bird in a flock and say it’s freedom

Filled their houses with silvers and papers

Contented, they think they’re scrapers


They fight when they’ve forgotten their aim*

They are looking for anyone to blame

For the misery that comes within themselves

And questions that they’ll bring to their graves

-me

*George Santayana

honestly

feeling hurt is not in your head
it's in your body
it's like taking drugs
and when you have none left
you're left with an excruciating pain
inside you
you can feel it like a wound
it's real
and after everything has been said
and done
you have to learn how to let go
put a band aid on the wound
and move on
walk away
and never look back again

-me

Random whinning after 24 hours straight without sleep

Do you remember when you were younger you used to think how great it is to be older? First you imagined how fun it is to be a high school student. With all the somewhat glamorous life. Then you wanted to go to college because it sounded so much more fun and free. Then you imagined how fun it is to be an adult. You're working, you have a full life, and you can do whatever you want to do.
I used to do that a lot. I imagined what it is like in college. No, to be more specific, I imagined what it is like to go to college in America. It must be so fun.
Today, at this exact moment, I'm living up my dream. I AM in college in AMERICA. My dream came true. I'm here. Right here right now. Still, I feel so discontented because most of the time I feel lost. The amount of stress that I have to face is ridiculous.
I have to deal with all sorts of things. Money, homework, relationships, housing, and all other things. The most depressing of all is that I have to face the fact that all of this will determine my future. Not all of it, but a great deal of it.
Too many times I feel so tired and stressful and I want to end it all and fly somewhere else. Too many times I feel that this is bullshit. I'm tired. I'm through with school. I'm through with studying, that is in a formal education. I want to leave it all and go somewhere where I can do something that matters. I'm fucking tired.
It leads me into thinking what made me think that college life is so great. Here is the answer. You know, when we were little and we planned things, we didn't actually have to make it real. Plan it in our heads the way we want is enough. Having great dreams is easy when you don't have to realize it.
Now that I have to make it real, I can't. I don't know how to do it. I'm tired. I'm through.
I'm through.
I swear I'm through