the dog that bites me today will not go away

The dog bites me today
It bites me hard
Right there on my hand
My legs my neck
I am running away
Panting
Breath by breath
Step by step
Trying to go
Faster and faster
The dog runs faster
Captures me eventually
Shows its disturbing face
It looks so subtle
Nice
One would be tempted
To caress its skin
To embrace its presence
It looks at me
Deep to my very core
Stab right in the hole
That I’ve been trying to cover
I always run away
I stay away
For I always know
It bites
It bites hard when you least expected
No matter where
No matter how
No matter you accept it
Or not
It follows you
Breath deeply behind your neck
Watch your every move
It is you
The dog
Is you
The reality
Is you
You can’t run away from the dog
The dog is there
It’s there
It is a part of you
No matter how many times
You try to close your eyes
And set it aside
It is you
The dog
Is you

Life Does Not Deliver

Life does not deliver
What it once promised me
Through words of books
Through tunes of songs
Through tales of stories
As lines on my skin added
One would think
I would have found
What I am looking for

I am walking down the path
That once was decided for me
Searching for light
At the end of the tunnel
And I’ll find out
When I find it
If it is the light of the guards
Or the light of the thieves
Getting ready to grab
And take me away
Into the nothingness

Life does not deliver
The best that it has
Despite the illusion
That people hang on to
From one perspective to another
Thinking that they have found
What they call reality

Spring out of their bed
When the sun rises
Without them caring
Living the unlived live
That they are living
Struggle to find
What they are looking for
Without knowing
What they are looking for

Run I am
In the trail of life
Rush through spaces and times
Rush
Rush
Until I find what I am looking for
If I know what I am looking for
When I find what I am looking for

-me

free write from someone who isn't free

I have just slept for 1 hour for no apparent reason. Now I feel like I'm going to do. I need someone to talk to. I need someone to save me from this god damned situation. I'm fucking tired of this. I need a normal life. I wish I can runaway and just stop doing all this. I hate being like this. I just want to be able to sleep whenever I want to. I just want to be able to rest my thoughts. I just want to be able to feel like my old self once again.

-me

this is where I end up

Lost in the maze of confusedness
Wondering what today may bring
Walking down the road of mess
Lost in the middle of nothing

Questions are floating all over
With clues that don’t exist
When will I find the answer
Or forever I’ll stay in this mist

I’m losing myself slowly
Self that once was taken for granted
The faces that I knew have changed vividly
Memories that I treasured have slowly faded

Wish I could stop walking in this illusion
And stop looking for what I can’t find
This is a simple complication
But mine is one depressive mind


-me
apr.23 08
home
auburn, WA, USA

The Unfairness of 'God(s)'

If I never exist
I will not be a human
With all fears and worries and pains
Lost in never ending questions
Without answers
And yet is expected to be faithful

If I never exist
I will not live an empty life
Without purpose
Without knowing why
Without understanding how
and yet is bound to live it

If I never exist
I will not be a sinner
With the shadow of punishment
Above my head
Scared every single moment
Of the prospect of hell
and yet is condemned to do it

If I never exist
I don’t have to live in an endless cycle
Playing the big game
Without knowing the rules
Or when I will win
If I can win
and yet can't get out

If I never exist
I won’t have to live
With inevitable truths
Of how roses have their thorns
And happiness won’t linger
Not even for a while
and yet is forced to believe differently

If I never exist
I won’t have to live up
To the expectations of people
That I don’t even know who
Oblige to live like the dead
Face the world of unjust
and yet is compeled to fulfill it

If I never exist
I don’t have to fight
Neither kills for survival
And lost in the maze
Of unfortunate events
and yet is demanded to be civilized

If I never exist
I won’t be held liable
For the mistakes
That are destined to me
And marked with my blood
and yet is necessitate to stay pure

If only I never exist
I won’t have to endure
The sentence for my offense
That are ensured to be done by me
Since the first day I shredded my tear
and yet is asked to be fair

If only I never exist
I will be the happiest man
There ever is
And yet here I am in my existance

-me
April 7 2008

(Another product of my contemplation with Danny, Lucky, Gora)

An Ode to Our Foolishness

We are singing
A distant melody
About beauty
That will never be real

Contemplating
On ideals
That forever will only be
The philosophers’ dreams

We are runners
In machines
That we think we are moving
Forward

We are fooled
Deluded
For delusions is much
Prettier
Than the truth

We’re playing
A never ending game
Against time
Against stupidity
Against the declining humanities
Against era
Than again we’re singing
The songs of victory

We’re drown in the jubilation
That we’re blind

We refuse to look
In the mirror
To see what our face has become

We decorate the streets with
Flowers
Ribbons
Confetti

We filled our children’s heads with
Fallacies
Empty hope
Fairy tales

Than again we’re singing
We write beautiful words
To hide what lies beneath

We fail to sense
The enemies surround
Hidden more than ever

Poison our wines
With poisonous herbs
Deceive our children
With tales of evil
Tear our dresses
With the thorns of our own
Roses

We are losing
Our war for humanities
For we have stopped fighting
In the shelter
Of our victory
We deceive ourselves

-me
April 7 2008

(inspired by a series of contemplation with Danny, Lucky, Gora)