People walk, moving around
They talk like there’s no surround
Sounds of laughter and howl
Faces like those of ghoul
The walls are cold and stingy
Lies, doubts cover the grounds so dingy
The air is tainted with conspiracy
And souls of men are filled with uncertainty
Listen! To the clacking of those heels
Of people with no aim to seal
The sound of mindless contemplation
Of goals not worth a dedication
People live without ever living
Walk through their paths so misleading
Chained to the ground to the sky to the sea
While those who are free are called crazy
See! The living deads with their pride
Deluded, the world is on their side
Claiming they are kings of the world
Thinking they worth more than a pot of gold
People carrying their weapons
Their pockets wedged with ammunitions
Some die slowly some brutally
And all will do eventually
They stack a pile of bricks and call it home
Fly like a bird in a flock and say it’s freedom
Filled their houses with silvers and papers
Contented, they think they’re scrapers
They fight when they’ve forgotten their aim*
They are looking for anyone to blame
For the misery that comes within themselves
And questions that they’ll bring to their graves
-me
*George Santayana
Sunday, November 23, 2008
honestly
feeling hurt is not in your head
it's in your body
it's like taking drugs
and when you have none left
you're left with an excruciating pain
inside you
you can feel it like a wound
it's real
and after everything has been said
and done
you have to learn how to let go
put a band aid on the wound
and move on
walk away
and never look back again
-me
it's in your body
it's like taking drugs
and when you have none left
you're left with an excruciating pain
inside you
you can feel it like a wound
it's real
and after everything has been said
and done
you have to learn how to let go
put a band aid on the wound
and move on
walk away
and never look back again
-me
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Random whinning after 24 hours straight without sleep
Do you remember when you were younger you used to think how great it is to be older? First you imagined how fun it is to be a high school student. With all the somewhat glamorous life. Then you wanted to go to college because it sounded so much more fun and free. Then you imagined how fun it is to be an adult. You're working, you have a full life, and you can do whatever you want to do.
I used to do that a lot. I imagined what it is like in college. No, to be more specific, I imagined what it is like to go to college in America. It must be so fun.
Today, at this exact moment, I'm living up my dream. I AM in college in AMERICA. My dream came true. I'm here. Right here right now. Still, I feel so discontented because most of the time I feel lost. The amount of stress that I have to face is ridiculous.
I have to deal with all sorts of things. Money, homework, relationships, housing, and all other things. The most depressing of all is that I have to face the fact that all of this will determine my future. Not all of it, but a great deal of it.
Too many times I feel so tired and stressful and I want to end it all and fly somewhere else. Too many times I feel that this is bullshit. I'm tired. I'm through with school. I'm through with studying, that is in a formal education. I want to leave it all and go somewhere where I can do something that matters. I'm fucking tired.
It leads me into thinking what made me think that college life is so great. Here is the answer. You know, when we were little and we planned things, we didn't actually have to make it real. Plan it in our heads the way we want is enough. Having great dreams is easy when you don't have to realize it.
Now that I have to make it real, I can't. I don't know how to do it. I'm tired. I'm through.
I'm through.
I swear I'm through
I used to do that a lot. I imagined what it is like in college. No, to be more specific, I imagined what it is like to go to college in America. It must be so fun.
Today, at this exact moment, I'm living up my dream. I AM in college in AMERICA. My dream came true. I'm here. Right here right now. Still, I feel so discontented because most of the time I feel lost. The amount of stress that I have to face is ridiculous.
I have to deal with all sorts of things. Money, homework, relationships, housing, and all other things. The most depressing of all is that I have to face the fact that all of this will determine my future. Not all of it, but a great deal of it.
Too many times I feel so tired and stressful and I want to end it all and fly somewhere else. Too many times I feel that this is bullshit. I'm tired. I'm through with school. I'm through with studying, that is in a formal education. I want to leave it all and go somewhere where I can do something that matters. I'm fucking tired.
It leads me into thinking what made me think that college life is so great. Here is the answer. You know, when we were little and we planned things, we didn't actually have to make it real. Plan it in our heads the way we want is enough. Having great dreams is easy when you don't have to realize it.
Now that I have to make it real, I can't. I don't know how to do it. I'm tired. I'm through.
I'm through.
I swear I'm through
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Alphard vs. Rp.30,000
Social gap in Indonesia highlighted itself on the Pasuruan incident in which 29 lives were taken as people fought neck to neck to receive Rp 30,000. Not only highlighting the social gap, it also showed many other social problems that Indonesia has faced for years now and yet never succeeds to solve.
These people, whom the government labeled as ‘the poor’, were so drown in poverty that for them that amount of money worth them risking their lives and others’. Their monthly incomes are so low that the chance of getting Rp 30,000 was like finding a pot of gold. They went all the way to get it. As fairly reasonable people they understood the danger of waiting in line, sorry, line is not the word, waiting in the crowd, with people so eagerly pushing and tackling. Even if they didn’t, waiting in that crowd for hours between so many people should have been too much problem for anyone with sufficient income.
The sad fact is the crowd that gathered in that place was not unlike the crowd that gathers in those overpriced concerts of singers and bands from all around the world priced at Rp 200,000 to Rp 4 million. There are so many people in Indonesia who are capable of buying tickets to these shows with still enough money left on their accounts to buy a Jaguar while these people had to give it all for Rp 30,000.
Let’s not even go there. Government, who supposedly use THEIR budget that they got from the taxes that WE paid to ensure OUR welfare and not THEIR’S, is using their budget to buy their staffs all these expensive cars. Fauzi Bowo, Jakarta’s governor, is using a Land Rover for God’s sake. The first lady is using a BMW and wherever she goes she’s guarded with people in Jeeps and Alphards that cost God-knows-how-much-cause-I-don’t-but-I-know-it’s-a-lot. If only they were using the money for greater goods, those people wouldn’t have to die for Rp. 30,000. Oh, but that wouldn’t make a difference anyway since there will always be people who corrupt those money, thank you very much.
Last but not least, it shows where our culture and manner has landed us. People can’t even force themselves to wait in line. If only they were waiting in line nicely instead of pushing each other, those people wouldn’t have to die. Our people have no idea how to appreciate others and wait for what we deserve.
Sorry, that’s not the last point. The media, apparently, has had a field day with the news. The infotainment even has succeeded in bringing a different angle to the story by getting celebrities’ takes on the news. But the incident shouldn’t be merely another controversy splashes around by the media and the people for a couple days and than forgotten in a snap. It should be a reminder for our people of how bad our social situation is. Furthermore, it should be an incentive for the government and the people to find a solution and fight for betterment in Indonesia. Those people’s lives are too precious only to be a media hullaballoo.
We have to understand that when the government is buying Alphards and the people are dying for Rp. 30,000, there’s something wrong with us.
-me
Taipei, Sept 08
These people, whom the government labeled as ‘the poor’, were so drown in poverty that for them that amount of money worth them risking their lives and others’. Their monthly incomes are so low that the chance of getting Rp 30,000 was like finding a pot of gold. They went all the way to get it. As fairly reasonable people they understood the danger of waiting in line, sorry, line is not the word, waiting in the crowd, with people so eagerly pushing and tackling. Even if they didn’t, waiting in that crowd for hours between so many people should have been too much problem for anyone with sufficient income.
The sad fact is the crowd that gathered in that place was not unlike the crowd that gathers in those overpriced concerts of singers and bands from all around the world priced at Rp 200,000 to Rp 4 million. There are so many people in Indonesia who are capable of buying tickets to these shows with still enough money left on their accounts to buy a Jaguar while these people had to give it all for Rp 30,000.
Let’s not even go there. Government, who supposedly use THEIR budget that they got from the taxes that WE paid to ensure OUR welfare and not THEIR’S, is using their budget to buy their staffs all these expensive cars. Fauzi Bowo, Jakarta’s governor, is using a Land Rover for God’s sake. The first lady is using a BMW and wherever she goes she’s guarded with people in Jeeps and Alphards that cost God-knows-how-much-cause-I-don’t-but-I-know-it’s-a-lot. If only they were using the money for greater goods, those people wouldn’t have to die for Rp. 30,000. Oh, but that wouldn’t make a difference anyway since there will always be people who corrupt those money, thank you very much.
Last but not least, it shows where our culture and manner has landed us. People can’t even force themselves to wait in line. If only they were waiting in line nicely instead of pushing each other, those people wouldn’t have to die. Our people have no idea how to appreciate others and wait for what we deserve.
Sorry, that’s not the last point. The media, apparently, has had a field day with the news. The infotainment even has succeeded in bringing a different angle to the story by getting celebrities’ takes on the news. But the incident shouldn’t be merely another controversy splashes around by the media and the people for a couple days and than forgotten in a snap. It should be a reminder for our people of how bad our social situation is. Furthermore, it should be an incentive for the government and the people to find a solution and fight for betterment in Indonesia. Those people’s lives are too precious only to be a media hullaballoo.
We have to understand that when the government is buying Alphards and the people are dying for Rp. 30,000, there’s something wrong with us.
-me
Taipei, Sept 08
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Perverted policemen
As a new member of Jakarta's pedestrian, I just noticed something. Here goes.
A policeman should be a person to go to when we're in troubles, yes? That's a very simple logic that even a toddler understands. That's why parents always tell their kids to find a policeman if they're lost. So policeman equals safety. Easy, right?
When you're older and you're walking through the city, you always keep it in the back of your mind that you should go find a policeman if you're robbed or threatened or being disturbed or, say, raped. Right? If a stranger's looking at you like they're about to rape you, you should yell, "Mr. Policeman, I think he'll rape me!" Right?
But what if the case is that you're a girl, you don't even have to be pretty cause mediocre is enough, and you're walking alone and as you walk those policemen are looking at you like dogs looking at meats. It's horribly disturbing, I tell you.
I was walking to a busway halt and these bunch of policemen looking at me from head to toe with this expression that only means that something down under is going up. As a self defense, I was wearing jeans, shirt, and a vest. Nothing revealing, nothing too much. I just spent 3 hours standing under the hot sun and I was a mess. Jeez.
The question is, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THOSE POLICEMEN????
Seriously. In this already not so safe city (the word so is me just trying to be nice) filled with men who seem like they never see a girl and keep woo-hooing every time they see a girl, we don't need policemen to act like that.
If they're doing that than who is our safety net. So I guess a policeman doesn't equal safety. They equal more danger.
My advice is, grow up guys, buy some porn, screw some chicks so you don't have to bother those nice pedestrians (read: me), and leave them ALONE. Don't act like some 5th grader that just hit their puberty. You guys look like you're 50 for God's sake.
-me
Quote of the day:
"Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them.”
-Albus Dumbledore
A policeman should be a person to go to when we're in troubles, yes? That's a very simple logic that even a toddler understands. That's why parents always tell their kids to find a policeman if they're lost. So policeman equals safety. Easy, right?
When you're older and you're walking through the city, you always keep it in the back of your mind that you should go find a policeman if you're robbed or threatened or being disturbed or, say, raped. Right? If a stranger's looking at you like they're about to rape you, you should yell, "Mr. Policeman, I think he'll rape me!" Right?
But what if the case is that you're a girl, you don't even have to be pretty cause mediocre is enough, and you're walking alone and as you walk those policemen are looking at you like dogs looking at meats. It's horribly disturbing, I tell you.
I was walking to a busway halt and these bunch of policemen looking at me from head to toe with this expression that only means that something down under is going up. As a self defense, I was wearing jeans, shirt, and a vest. Nothing revealing, nothing too much. I just spent 3 hours standing under the hot sun and I was a mess. Jeez.
The question is, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THOSE POLICEMEN????
Seriously. In this already not so safe city (the word so is me just trying to be nice) filled with men who seem like they never see a girl and keep woo-hooing every time they see a girl, we don't need policemen to act like that.
If they're doing that than who is our safety net. So I guess a policeman doesn't equal safety. They equal more danger.
My advice is, grow up guys, buy some porn, screw some chicks so you don't have to bother those nice pedestrians (read: me), and leave them ALONE. Don't act like some 5th grader that just hit their puberty. You guys look like you're 50 for God's sake.
-me
Quote of the day:
"Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them.”
-Albus Dumbledore
Friday, August 29, 2008
Ah, kenyataan negeri ini
Pria itu berjalan dengan langkah mantap
Keluar dari rumahnya yang berpilar dan berlantai marmer
Dengan setelan Armaninya yang terbaru
Dan sepatu dari kulit asli yang mengkilap
Dasinya terikat mantap di lehernya
Meneriakkan pada dunia bahwa ia pria terhormat
Di tangannya sebuah telpon genggam
Merek terbaru dengan berbagai macam fasilitas
Di dalamnya tersimpan nomer-nomer orang penting
Siap dihubungi dalam satu kali tekan
Ia berbicara dengan suaranya yang megah
Menyuruh ini itu dengan kekuasaan absolut seorang penguasa
Ia masuk ke mobilnya yang diimpor dari luar negeri
Harganya cukup untuk makan satu negeri
Ia menyebutkan tujuannya dan kata-katanya adalah perintah
Mobilnya ber-AC, joknya juga kulit kualitas terbaik
Ia berhenti di sebuah restoran mewah
Ketika ia masuk semua orang tahu namanya
Ia melangkah pasti ke arah pria terhormat lainnya
Yang memandangnya tabik dengan wajah merendah
Mereka bicara, dari urusan bisnis sampai politik
Bukan politik rakyat tentunya, karena mereka bukan rakyat
Setelah makanan yang melimpah habis dikunyah
Ia membayar dengan kartu kredit yang penggunaannya tak terbatas
Wajahnya tak peduli dengan nila yang harus dibayarnya
Ah, ia sudah biasa membayar, di negeri ini semua bisa dibeli
Ia kembali ke mobil mewahnya pergi ke tempat lain
Kali ini rumah yang juga mewah tapi tak semewah rumahnya
Di dalamnya seorang wanita menunggunya
Dengan kekaguman yang nyata
Mereka berbicara dan lebih lagi, menghabiskan waktu bersenang-senang
Setelah semua urusan selesai ia pergi meninggalan si wanita
Yang berdiri dengan keengganan terlihat jelas di wajahnya
Tujuannya setelah ini adalah sebuah lapangan hijau
Lapangan golf yang sudah dipesan khusus untuknya
Tempat ia biasa bermain golf sekadar menetapkan kekayaannya
Toh semua pria terhormat dan kaya raya main golf
Maka ia pun harus main golf sebagai pria terhormat dan kaya
Ah, ia sudah biasa mengikut, di negeri ini semua cuma bisa menganut
Setelah bola-bola berterbangan dan tangannya pegal mengayun tongkat
Ia duduk di bawah gazebo menikmati minuman dingin dan kue kecil
Dengan kacamata hitam bertanggar di hidungnya
Ia menghela nafas menikmati hidup, ah nikmatnya
Setelah puas bersantai ia pergi lagi
Menutup agendanya yang padat hari ini
Si pria terhormat pulang ke rumah mewahnya yang aman
Dan di malam hari ia tertidur pulas di ranjangnya yang nyaman
Di samping sang istri yang setia menemani
Dan pagi-pagi sekali ketika ayam belum juga berkokok
Ia meninggalkan rumah untuk pergi lagi
Kali ini ke penjara tempatnya seharusnya tinggal
Ia turun dari mobil ditunggu oleh serombongan polisi
Yang tersenyum lebar menyapanya dengan penuh hormat
Ia membagikan lembaran uang-uang baru
Dengan ketegasan seorang penguasa
Mereka membuka pintu dan ia masuk ke dalam selnya
Ia harus tinggal karena hari ini akan ada orang-orang yang datang melihatnya
Dan ia tak mau mereka tahu bahwa ia tak tinggal di penjara seperti seharusnya
Nanti setelah mereka pergi ia kembali lagi ke hidupnya yang serba nyaman
Ah, ia sudah biasa berbohong, di negeri ini semua itu bisa diatur
-me
Quote of the day:
"You can fool some people sometimes, but you can't fool all the people all the time."
-Bob Marley
Keluar dari rumahnya yang berpilar dan berlantai marmer
Dengan setelan Armaninya yang terbaru
Dan sepatu dari kulit asli yang mengkilap
Dasinya terikat mantap di lehernya
Meneriakkan pada dunia bahwa ia pria terhormat
Di tangannya sebuah telpon genggam
Merek terbaru dengan berbagai macam fasilitas
Di dalamnya tersimpan nomer-nomer orang penting
Siap dihubungi dalam satu kali tekan
Ia berbicara dengan suaranya yang megah
Menyuruh ini itu dengan kekuasaan absolut seorang penguasa
Ia masuk ke mobilnya yang diimpor dari luar negeri
Harganya cukup untuk makan satu negeri
Ia menyebutkan tujuannya dan kata-katanya adalah perintah
Mobilnya ber-AC, joknya juga kulit kualitas terbaik
Ia berhenti di sebuah restoran mewah
Ketika ia masuk semua orang tahu namanya
Ia melangkah pasti ke arah pria terhormat lainnya
Yang memandangnya tabik dengan wajah merendah
Mereka bicara, dari urusan bisnis sampai politik
Bukan politik rakyat tentunya, karena mereka bukan rakyat
Setelah makanan yang melimpah habis dikunyah
Ia membayar dengan kartu kredit yang penggunaannya tak terbatas
Wajahnya tak peduli dengan nila yang harus dibayarnya
Ah, ia sudah biasa membayar, di negeri ini semua bisa dibeli
Ia kembali ke mobil mewahnya pergi ke tempat lain
Kali ini rumah yang juga mewah tapi tak semewah rumahnya
Di dalamnya seorang wanita menunggunya
Dengan kekaguman yang nyata
Mereka berbicara dan lebih lagi, menghabiskan waktu bersenang-senang
Setelah semua urusan selesai ia pergi meninggalan si wanita
Yang berdiri dengan keengganan terlihat jelas di wajahnya
Tujuannya setelah ini adalah sebuah lapangan hijau
Lapangan golf yang sudah dipesan khusus untuknya
Tempat ia biasa bermain golf sekadar menetapkan kekayaannya
Toh semua pria terhormat dan kaya raya main golf
Maka ia pun harus main golf sebagai pria terhormat dan kaya
Ah, ia sudah biasa mengikut, di negeri ini semua cuma bisa menganut
Setelah bola-bola berterbangan dan tangannya pegal mengayun tongkat
Ia duduk di bawah gazebo menikmati minuman dingin dan kue kecil
Dengan kacamata hitam bertanggar di hidungnya
Ia menghela nafas menikmati hidup, ah nikmatnya
Setelah puas bersantai ia pergi lagi
Menutup agendanya yang padat hari ini
Si pria terhormat pulang ke rumah mewahnya yang aman
Dan di malam hari ia tertidur pulas di ranjangnya yang nyaman
Di samping sang istri yang setia menemani
Dan pagi-pagi sekali ketika ayam belum juga berkokok
Ia meninggalkan rumah untuk pergi lagi
Kali ini ke penjara tempatnya seharusnya tinggal
Ia turun dari mobil ditunggu oleh serombongan polisi
Yang tersenyum lebar menyapanya dengan penuh hormat
Ia membagikan lembaran uang-uang baru
Dengan ketegasan seorang penguasa
Mereka membuka pintu dan ia masuk ke dalam selnya
Ia harus tinggal karena hari ini akan ada orang-orang yang datang melihatnya
Dan ia tak mau mereka tahu bahwa ia tak tinggal di penjara seperti seharusnya
Nanti setelah mereka pergi ia kembali lagi ke hidupnya yang serba nyaman
Ah, ia sudah biasa berbohong, di negeri ini semua itu bisa diatur
-me
Quote of the day:
"You can fool some people sometimes, but you can't fool all the people all the time."
-Bob Marley
Dear my dearest
I don't wanna hear it any more
You, who supposedly my dearest one
Your words, your actions, they're all too sore
After all these years I really am done
I've tried to love you, yes I have
Through your sarcastic comments
Your unpleasant tone that makes me wish I'm deaf
I sincerely say now I'm officially bent
Do you even care, even just a little bit?
When you throw all those concerns do you really care?
Or are you just looking for a chance to hit
Me with words you know I can't bare
Do you know how many times I cry myself to sleep
From your critics that not even merited
I've tried many times to stop my weep
Telling myself not to be agitated
I'm not asking much of you
Cause I never expect much anyway
Just show some respect, please do
Cause there's a long road ahead and we have to stay
Just so you know if in the end I leave
It's because of you and you alone
Now you've put hatred in the words that I heave
You've done your job now leave me alone
-me
writer's note: above words came sincerely from my heart for someone that I suppose to love. She's hurt me many times but I suppose she never realizes. This isn't meant to be a note of hatred. This's suppose to be a revelation for me to start it all anew. So please see these merely as me talking to myself just to get what I feel out so I'll be able to forgive and forget.
Quote of the day:
"Who are you to judge the life i live?
I know I am not perfect -- i dont live to be
But before you start pointing the fingers
Make sure your hands are clean."
-Bob Marley
You, who supposedly my dearest one
Your words, your actions, they're all too sore
After all these years I really am done
I've tried to love you, yes I have
Through your sarcastic comments
Your unpleasant tone that makes me wish I'm deaf
I sincerely say now I'm officially bent
Do you even care, even just a little bit?
When you throw all those concerns do you really care?
Or are you just looking for a chance to hit
Me with words you know I can't bare
Do you know how many times I cry myself to sleep
From your critics that not even merited
I've tried many times to stop my weep
Telling myself not to be agitated
I'm not asking much of you
Cause I never expect much anyway
Just show some respect, please do
Cause there's a long road ahead and we have to stay
Just so you know if in the end I leave
It's because of you and you alone
Now you've put hatred in the words that I heave
You've done your job now leave me alone
-me
writer's note: above words came sincerely from my heart for someone that I suppose to love. She's hurt me many times but I suppose she never realizes. This isn't meant to be a note of hatred. This's suppose to be a revelation for me to start it all anew. So please see these merely as me talking to myself just to get what I feel out so I'll be able to forgive and forget.
Quote of the day:
"Who are you to judge the life i live?
I know I am not perfect -- i dont live to be
But before you start pointing the fingers
Make sure your hands are clean."
-Bob Marley
Monday, August 25, 2008
Rambling of the day:
If you can't change the world, the least you can do is not letting the world change you.
-me
-me
Friday, August 22, 2008
Rambling of the day:
The only differnce between government and terrorist is that terrorists kill the people quickly and the government kills the people slowly.
-me
-me
One.. Two.. Three..
one
two
three
so that's three hundred
said the kid standing in front of a food stall
that's the remainder of his money
mom said that he should give it back
but the money is his, it's his achievement that he's efficient
but no, three hundred wouldn't hurt
would it?
mom has much more money than this
one
two
three
so that's three thousand
said the man in the parking lot
he asked for five thousand though he knew it should be two
but he needs the three thousand
it's not a thievery when the person who has the money know that it's taken
and no, three thousand wouldn't hurt
would it?
those people with expensive cars have much more money than this
one
two
three
so that's three million
said the man in his office counting the money
so he stretched the budget a little, that's fine
wasn't it him who found the cheaper supplier
it was his work, his sweat, so it's his right
no no, three million wouldn't hurt
would it?
this big company produces much more money than this
one
two
three
so that's three hundred billion,
said the man in his best suite with angelic expression on his face
big smile in his face while he thought of a new jaguar to be added to his collection
so I flexed the truth a little bit, but he need the document and I help him
it's not stealing, he gave me some kind of a, umm, a thank you note
hell no, three billion wouldn't hurt
would it?
this goddamned country has much more money than this
and, they are damned anyway.
-me
Quote of the day:
"Presidents don't do it to their wives, they do it to their country."
-Richard Adams
two
three
so that's three hundred
said the kid standing in front of a food stall
that's the remainder of his money
mom said that he should give it back
but the money is his, it's his achievement that he's efficient
but no, three hundred wouldn't hurt
would it?
mom has much more money than this
one
two
three
so that's three thousand
said the man in the parking lot
he asked for five thousand though he knew it should be two
but he needs the three thousand
it's not a thievery when the person who has the money know that it's taken
and no, three thousand wouldn't hurt
would it?
those people with expensive cars have much more money than this
one
two
three
so that's three million
said the man in his office counting the money
so he stretched the budget a little, that's fine
wasn't it him who found the cheaper supplier
it was his work, his sweat, so it's his right
no no, three million wouldn't hurt
would it?
this big company produces much more money than this
one
two
three
so that's three hundred billion,
said the man in his best suite with angelic expression on his face
big smile in his face while he thought of a new jaguar to be added to his collection
so I flexed the truth a little bit, but he need the document and I help him
it's not stealing, he gave me some kind of a, umm, a thank you note
hell no, three billion wouldn't hurt
would it?
this goddamned country has much more money than this
and, they are damned anyway.
-me
Quote of the day:
"Presidents don't do it to their wives, they do it to their country."
-Richard Adams
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Everybody, Please!
Will you tell me the truth, please?
Sir, please.
Tell me the truth.
You have been lying straight to my face
years and years that have passed.
You tell me that you don't know.
The truth is, you do know
You just don't care.
Will you tell me the truth, please?
Madam, please.
Tell me the truth.
You have given me all those excuses
The same ones over and over again.
I'm not that stupid, you know?
I have long learned the pattern of your lies
And I know when you're just being ignorant.
Will you tell me the truth, please?
Anyone who cares, please.
Tell me the truth.
They refuse to say or explain anything
They won't let anyone who would
I need the truth, that's all, nothing else
I'm fine if everything is not well
I just need to know that they are doing something
Will you tell me the truth, please?
Sir, Madam, please.
Tell me the truth.
I don't know what's going on
I don't know why we have to live like this
I don't know why you neither care nor want to care
But I know that it's your job
And I know that you're not doing your job too well
Will you tell me the truth, please?
Your Honor, please.
Tell me the truth.
Why they say things that aren't true?
Why they give promises that they know they'll never able to fulfill
Why don't you do anything?
Why you play along with them when you know that it's your job
Yes, it's your job to stop them
Will you tell me the truth, please?
People, please.
Tell me the truth.
You're all just standing there, skeptic
Thinking that it's none of your business
Even when they've lied like that
They treat us as if we're just dolls that have no say
When they suppose to work for us
Will you tell me the truth, please?
Anybody, please.
Tell me the truth.
I don't care who you are
I don't care what you want
Just tell me the truth and give me what I need
Save me from the people who suppose to save me
Help me escape from their lies and tell me the truth
Everybody, please!
-me
Quote of the day:
“ Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. ”
-Abraham Lincoln
Sir, please.
Tell me the truth.
You have been lying straight to my face
years and years that have passed.
You tell me that you don't know.
The truth is, you do know
You just don't care.
Will you tell me the truth, please?
Madam, please.
Tell me the truth.
You have given me all those excuses
The same ones over and over again.
I'm not that stupid, you know?
I have long learned the pattern of your lies
And I know when you're just being ignorant.
Will you tell me the truth, please?
Anyone who cares, please.
Tell me the truth.
They refuse to say or explain anything
They won't let anyone who would
I need the truth, that's all, nothing else
I'm fine if everything is not well
I just need to know that they are doing something
Will you tell me the truth, please?
Sir, Madam, please.
Tell me the truth.
I don't know what's going on
I don't know why we have to live like this
I don't know why you neither care nor want to care
But I know that it's your job
And I know that you're not doing your job too well
Will you tell me the truth, please?
Your Honor, please.
Tell me the truth.
Why they say things that aren't true?
Why they give promises that they know they'll never able to fulfill
Why don't you do anything?
Why you play along with them when you know that it's your job
Yes, it's your job to stop them
Will you tell me the truth, please?
People, please.
Tell me the truth.
You're all just standing there, skeptic
Thinking that it's none of your business
Even when they've lied like that
They treat us as if we're just dolls that have no say
When they suppose to work for us
Will you tell me the truth, please?
Anybody, please.
Tell me the truth.
I don't care who you are
I don't care what you want
Just tell me the truth and give me what I need
Save me from the people who suppose to save me
Help me escape from their lies and tell me the truth
Everybody, please!
-me
Quote of the day:
“ Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. ”
-Abraham Lincoln
Friday, August 15, 2008
Government's Policy
The closing of Jakarta's entertainment centers like nightclubs, massage parlors during Ramadan is a concrete example of the flawed Indonesian government policy.
The government seems to forget that although the Moslem is the majority, it's not the only religion. There are people who aren't Moslem and won't be fasting during the month. Those people have every right and the government have the obligation to let them have their entertainment.
But let's not go there. The people's relationships with their religions is not any of the government's business. The government never explains their reason of closing the nightclubs. However, if they want to force the people to be focus on their fasting and religion, they are wrong. If the Moslems want to go to nightclubs during Ramadan, it's their choice and their choice alone. It's their responsibility to their own selves. It's also their right to choose how they are going to pray and how they are going to behave on ramadan. It's their choice to fully focus on their spiritual obligation.
By closing the entertainment centers, the government enforces THEIR way of praying, therefore doesn't respect THE PEOPLE'S rights to choose their own spiritual ways.
-me
Quote of the day:
“ Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim. ”
George Santayana
The government seems to forget that although the Moslem is the majority, it's not the only religion. There are people who aren't Moslem and won't be fasting during the month. Those people have every right and the government have the obligation to let them have their entertainment.
But let's not go there. The people's relationships with their religions is not any of the government's business. The government never explains their reason of closing the nightclubs. However, if they want to force the people to be focus on their fasting and religion, they are wrong. If the Moslems want to go to nightclubs during Ramadan, it's their choice and their choice alone. It's their responsibility to their own selves. It's also their right to choose how they are going to pray and how they are going to behave on ramadan. It's their choice to fully focus on their spiritual obligation.
By closing the entertainment centers, the government enforces THEIR way of praying, therefore doesn't respect THE PEOPLE'S rights to choose their own spiritual ways.
-me
Quote of the day:
“ Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim. ”
George Santayana
Monday, August 4, 2008
Ryan and the Political Incorrectness of Indonesian Media
When I was browsing for an article today, I found this little great article on the arrest of a murderer. It's an acceptable article, brief yet informative, and one sentence in the end of the article ruined it all. Here goes: "Other than that, the police found a few pornographic CDs with homosexual genre."
Another story, when I was on the airport waiting for a plane to Bali, I watched on the TV a news story titled "the number of gays in Jakarta is increasing due to environmental influence." Or somewhere along the line.
An even bigger story, the story of Ryan the mass murderer. It has become a great commodity for various medias all over the country. From newspapers to infotainment. What worse is that media treats the news as an infotainment. The big highlight wasn't that he's a mass murderer and how it affects the society, but the fact that he was gay and one of his victim was Rima Melati's grandson. Two thumbs up, people!
Indonesia was once called a democratic country. Shouldn't it mean that the people are free to have any sexual orientation? Shouldn't it mean that someone's religious preferences, skin color, age, gender, nationality, race, and sexual orientation HAVE NO PLACE in our newspaper? Shouldn't it mean that those cultural backgrounds have no say in defining people? Shouldn't it mean that there's no different in the merit of news stories on heterosexual murderer or homosexual murderer?
Ask yourself that, and ,oh please please please, let the answer be, YES.
Otherwise, the reformation has no meaning. Those fights for equal treatments and respect were just bullshits. Otherwise, the pluralism that Indonesia has and so proud of is just another unpreserved promotion tool.
Please stand up for tolerance in our land.
-me
Another story, when I was on the airport waiting for a plane to Bali, I watched on the TV a news story titled "the number of gays in Jakarta is increasing due to environmental influence." Or somewhere along the line.
An even bigger story, the story of Ryan the mass murderer. It has become a great commodity for various medias all over the country. From newspapers to infotainment. What worse is that media treats the news as an infotainment. The big highlight wasn't that he's a mass murderer and how it affects the society, but the fact that he was gay and one of his victim was Rima Melati's grandson. Two thumbs up, people!
Indonesia was once called a democratic country. Shouldn't it mean that the people are free to have any sexual orientation? Shouldn't it mean that someone's religious preferences, skin color, age, gender, nationality, race, and sexual orientation HAVE NO PLACE in our newspaper? Shouldn't it mean that those cultural backgrounds have no say in defining people? Shouldn't it mean that there's no different in the merit of news stories on heterosexual murderer or homosexual murderer?
Ask yourself that, and ,oh please please please, let the answer be, YES.
Otherwise, the reformation has no meaning. Those fights for equal treatments and respect were just bullshits. Otherwise, the pluralism that Indonesia has and so proud of is just another unpreserved promotion tool.
Please stand up for tolerance in our land.
-me
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Eat Pray Love
Elizabeth Gilbert (Liz) believes that we should devote ourselves to those three things. And so she did.
This is an amazing book, with amazing characters (who, amazingly, are real), and an amazing way of story telling. This is a book that I don't want to put down, and I still dread the second when I reached the last word and had to put it down.
It's a book that made even an agnostic and skeptic like me tempted to leave everything that I have and search for great food, God(s), and a great lover. *sigh*
The story is about Liz's search for God in order for her to make peace with herself after a long tiring full-of-drama divorce. She finally travels to Italy -where she falls in love with the food and learns the art of pleasure, India -where she spends 24/7 praying and meditating and learn the art of devotion, Indonesia -where she learns a new kind of meditation, parties, falls in love, and learn the art of balancing pleasure and devotion.
At first, this book excites me for the mention of Indonesia. However, when I went on and read it, I fell in love. It's a really complete book, the kind that's hard to find these days. Liz tells us how to pray and bring ourselves closer to God without being a preacher. It's hard for anyone to dislike her. She's the kind of person that you just want to befriend with. In the end of the book, I felt like I've found a new best friend, Elizabeth Gilbert.
My faith in God and all those spiritual and religious stuff remains the same. (It's a really complicated thing that will create an entirely new novel if I try to explain, so don't bother.) However, this book fascinates me. Her ideas and her willingness amazed me.
It is the kind of book that if it's not a true story, readers will be all skeptical and say, "These kind of things will never happen in real life." I did say that in the middle of the book when I forgot for a split second that I was reading a semi-autobiography.
The only thing that concerns me is how hard it is to find God. Liz travels to 3 countries in 2 different continents in 1 solid year leaving everything that she has behind and changing her lifestyle completely, than, she found God. I don't know if I will ever find God, or if I will ever want to, but I'm positive that most of us won't have the courage neither the capability to do all things that she did. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong. But if I'm right, than what are we to do?
It's hard to explain the book. Just read it yourself. I promise you won't regret it.
This is a book that consists of thousand doctrines, yet not indoctrinating. It's an enlighting beautiful exceptionally funny great book.
Read it and give yourself a treat.
This is an amazing book, with amazing characters (who, amazingly, are real), and an amazing way of story telling. This is a book that I don't want to put down, and I still dread the second when I reached the last word and had to put it down.
It's a book that made even an agnostic and skeptic like me tempted to leave everything that I have and search for great food, God(s), and a great lover. *sigh*
The story is about Liz's search for God in order for her to make peace with herself after a long tiring full-of-drama divorce. She finally travels to Italy -where she falls in love with the food and learns the art of pleasure, India -where she spends 24/7 praying and meditating and learn the art of devotion, Indonesia -where she learns a new kind of meditation, parties, falls in love, and learn the art of balancing pleasure and devotion.
At first, this book excites me for the mention of Indonesia. However, when I went on and read it, I fell in love. It's a really complete book, the kind that's hard to find these days. Liz tells us how to pray and bring ourselves closer to God without being a preacher. It's hard for anyone to dislike her. She's the kind of person that you just want to befriend with. In the end of the book, I felt like I've found a new best friend, Elizabeth Gilbert.
My faith in God and all those spiritual and religious stuff remains the same. (It's a really complicated thing that will create an entirely new novel if I try to explain, so don't bother.) However, this book fascinates me. Her ideas and her willingness amazed me.
It is the kind of book that if it's not a true story, readers will be all skeptical and say, "These kind of things will never happen in real life." I did say that in the middle of the book when I forgot for a split second that I was reading a semi-autobiography.
The only thing that concerns me is how hard it is to find God. Liz travels to 3 countries in 2 different continents in 1 solid year leaving everything that she has behind and changing her lifestyle completely, than, she found God. I don't know if I will ever find God, or if I will ever want to, but I'm positive that most of us won't have the courage neither the capability to do all things that she did. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong. But if I'm right, than what are we to do?
It's hard to explain the book. Just read it yourself. I promise you won't regret it.
This is a book that consists of thousand doctrines, yet not indoctrinating. It's an enlighting beautiful exceptionally funny great book.
Read it and give yourself a treat.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
The face of our TV
For years, Indonesian has accepted the prolonged unreal reality shows, the over hyperbolic so-called sinetrons that goes on for years, the dry dim-witted comedy, and the over exposed privacy raiding infotainments over the justification of public demands and rating. People believe that these kind of shows, and only these kind of shows, that Indonesian would enjoy.
For years, we unconsciously underestimates our people's intelligent by saying that our people only understand dry slapstick humor and over exaggerated stories. We continuously tell ourselves that we don't need nor want nor able to absorb entertainments with better qualities.
I say, it's time to stop using public demand as an excuse to prolong these shows with bad qualities.
It has been proven that our society is capable of smarter shows. Imported TV shows with decent qualities such as F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Heroes or Sex and The City have a decent number of fans in Indonesia. When we finally celebrated democracy by the showing of Republik Mimpi (Dream Republic), there are many who became loyal audiences and enjoy the wit and satire provided by the show. When we started to respect our identity and finally got the luxury of enjoying a smart comedy in Bajaj Bajuri, people couldn't stop talking about the show night and day.
Of course, the rating of these shows remain low, and little of them survived our TV. Than, people put the burden on the so-called uneducated. They believe that people from that part of the society don't have the capability to understand these shows, and these people are those who watch TV the most.
However, let me remind you, who created the uneducated. If we blame it only to Indonesian poor education system, than we are wrong. We learn through every aspect of life, that's why a high school graduate like Bill Gates can be so smart and successful. I believe that not only our schools and universities, but also our medias such as newspapers, TVs, or radios that educate us.
If we keep justifying these stupid shows because the uneducated like them, than it will remain so. By it, I mean the stupid shows will remain stupid and the uneducated will remain uneducated. The number of uneducated and the quality of our TV shows are mutually inclusive. One can't happen without the other. It's hard as hell to better our education system, might as well educate our people with other system. Name, media.
Say no more to stupid singing contest who sell the drama more than the singing quality. Say no more to stupid sinetrons with circling plots, bad actors, and sleazy characters. Say no more to stupid comedies who assume that our audience will only laugh if someone is physically hurt. Say no more to infotainments who talk about divorce and dating like they are the most important things in the world. Say no more to the assumption that Indonesians are stupid.
Have a good one everyone
-me
Quote of the day:
"There are only two kinds of characters in Indonesian sinetron: those who are stupid and those who are evil."
-me
For years, we unconsciously underestimates our people's intelligent by saying that our people only understand dry slapstick humor and over exaggerated stories. We continuously tell ourselves that we don't need nor want nor able to absorb entertainments with better qualities.
I say, it's time to stop using public demand as an excuse to prolong these shows with bad qualities.
It has been proven that our society is capable of smarter shows. Imported TV shows with decent qualities such as F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Heroes or Sex and The City have a decent number of fans in Indonesia. When we finally celebrated democracy by the showing of Republik Mimpi (Dream Republic), there are many who became loyal audiences and enjoy the wit and satire provided by the show. When we started to respect our identity and finally got the luxury of enjoying a smart comedy in Bajaj Bajuri, people couldn't stop talking about the show night and day.
Of course, the rating of these shows remain low, and little of them survived our TV. Than, people put the burden on the so-called uneducated. They believe that people from that part of the society don't have the capability to understand these shows, and these people are those who watch TV the most.
However, let me remind you, who created the uneducated. If we blame it only to Indonesian poor education system, than we are wrong. We learn through every aspect of life, that's why a high school graduate like Bill Gates can be so smart and successful. I believe that not only our schools and universities, but also our medias such as newspapers, TVs, or radios that educate us.
If we keep justifying these stupid shows because the uneducated like them, than it will remain so. By it, I mean the stupid shows will remain stupid and the uneducated will remain uneducated. The number of uneducated and the quality of our TV shows are mutually inclusive. One can't happen without the other. It's hard as hell to better our education system, might as well educate our people with other system. Name, media.
Say no more to stupid singing contest who sell the drama more than the singing quality. Say no more to stupid sinetrons with circling plots, bad actors, and sleazy characters. Say no more to stupid comedies who assume that our audience will only laugh if someone is physically hurt. Say no more to infotainments who talk about divorce and dating like they are the most important things in the world. Say no more to the assumption that Indonesians are stupid.
Have a good one everyone
-me
Quote of the day:
"There are only two kinds of characters in Indonesian sinetron: those who are stupid and those who are evil."
-me
Monday, July 14, 2008
Overestimated
It's obvious that when someone underestimates you, you hate it. No further questions. When people think you are incapable of things that you know you are capable. When people see you lower than them, of course you want to (in Joey's word) rip your hand out just so you have something to throw at them.
However, what if the case is that people overestimate you. They think of you so highly that they expect you to do all these great things. People expect you to be this magic kid who can do anything.
I dare say, it's as annoying as being underestimated and the end result is the same I-want-to-rip-my-hand-out-just-so-I-have-something-to-throw-at-them feeling. *sigh*
Being an 18 years old who is quite professional in being a cocky arrogant bitch, who has been quite successful in making people think that I'm smarter than I really am, I face this overestimation quite often. Right now, I would like to declare to the whole world, borrowing the great Harry Potter (well, J.K. Rowling really)'s word, "Things like that always seem greater than it really is." (for further reference of this sentence, please do read Harry Potter series yourself, and I swear it's a great book, not some part of a Satan Evil Spreading Scheme)
So now, for all people that are being overestimated all the time's sake, I would like to sincerely send my arguments.
First, being overestimated causing people implementing double standard.
Second, like it or not, it makes people being hard on themselves.
Third, it violates their right to slack off.
Fourth, It gives them the urge to kill themselves. (For all debaters out there, I know a fourth point is unnecessary but I promise I won't elaborate on this, and I won't bother proving the burden of prove I just implemented on myself)
On the first point. When someone has done a lot of great things, people think that they are capable of being great all the time therefore they won't accept a so so work. They believe that when they do an imperfect job, they don't give their best on the job. Well, believe it or not, sometimes that IS their best. They don't always know everything. And it is tiring having to be better than others all the time just because they've been better in the past. An acceptable work for others aren't automatically acceptable when these underestimated people do them. People expect them to be brilliant all the time. Stop it. they are humans. Copy that? great.
Second, with all these burdens that people put on them, they are being hard on themselves. With all those expectation that people have, they don't want to disappoint them. They want to fulfill their expectation therefore they always fell that it's not enough. Even when they've done this perfectly great job, they feel that something is still not quite right. Than, they will stuck in that job for a long long time trying to figure out how they can make it better and end up ruining it.
Third, everybody wants to slack off once in a while. People want to stop working so hard now and then and people who are underestimated don't have the luxury to do that. People say that when they do that they're wasting the great talent that they have. Slacking off is apparently unacceptable for these people. Well, it shouldn't.
Fourth, it gives them the urge to kill themselves.
There you have it.
These are sleazy arguments with shitty elaborations. I know. As long as I get the point across, I don't care.
Therefore, I beg to oppose. Propose. Yeah, propose. My proposal is for people stop overestimating those people.
Therefore I beg to propose.
(These arguments are made to show that me, a person who people overestimated all the time, is inherently stupid)
Ps. I've told you before, I'm a cocky arrogant bitch.
Cheers
-me
Quote of the day:
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. -Dr. Seuss
However, what if the case is that people overestimate you. They think of you so highly that they expect you to do all these great things. People expect you to be this magic kid who can do anything.
I dare say, it's as annoying as being underestimated and the end result is the same I-want-to-rip-my-hand-out-just-so-I-have-something-to-throw-at-them feeling. *sigh*
Being an 18 years old who is quite professional in being a cocky arrogant bitch, who has been quite successful in making people think that I'm smarter than I really am, I face this overestimation quite often. Right now, I would like to declare to the whole world, borrowing the great Harry Potter (well, J.K. Rowling really)'s word, "Things like that always seem greater than it really is." (for further reference of this sentence, please do read Harry Potter series yourself, and I swear it's a great book, not some part of a Satan Evil Spreading Scheme)
So now, for all people that are being overestimated all the time's sake, I would like to sincerely send my arguments.
First, being overestimated causing people implementing double standard.
Second, like it or not, it makes people being hard on themselves.
Third, it violates their right to slack off.
Fourth, It gives them the urge to kill themselves. (For all debaters out there, I know a fourth point is unnecessary but I promise I won't elaborate on this, and I won't bother proving the burden of prove I just implemented on myself)
On the first point. When someone has done a lot of great things, people think that they are capable of being great all the time therefore they won't accept a so so work. They believe that when they do an imperfect job, they don't give their best on the job. Well, believe it or not, sometimes that IS their best. They don't always know everything. And it is tiring having to be better than others all the time just because they've been better in the past. An acceptable work for others aren't automatically acceptable when these underestimated people do them. People expect them to be brilliant all the time. Stop it. they are humans. Copy that? great.
Second, with all these burdens that people put on them, they are being hard on themselves. With all those expectation that people have, they don't want to disappoint them. They want to fulfill their expectation therefore they always fell that it's not enough. Even when they've done this perfectly great job, they feel that something is still not quite right. Than, they will stuck in that job for a long long time trying to figure out how they can make it better and end up ruining it.
Third, everybody wants to slack off once in a while. People want to stop working so hard now and then and people who are underestimated don't have the luxury to do that. People say that when they do that they're wasting the great talent that they have. Slacking off is apparently unacceptable for these people. Well, it shouldn't.
Fourth, it gives them the urge to kill themselves.
There you have it.
These are sleazy arguments with shitty elaborations. I know. As long as I get the point across, I don't care.
Therefore, I beg to oppose. Propose. Yeah, propose. My proposal is for people stop overestimating those people.
Therefore I beg to propose.
(These arguments are made to show that me, a person who people overestimated all the time, is inherently stupid)
Ps. I've told you before, I'm a cocky arrogant bitch.
Cheers
-me
Quote of the day:
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. -Dr. Seuss
Friday, June 6, 2008
Human's Biggest Tragedy(ies)
We all cry
Because we don’t know how to smile
We hate
Because we’ve never been introduced to love
We kill
Because we don’t understand life
We mock
Because we aren’t used to compliment
We hurt
Because we have no idea how to heal
We swear
Because we know no other words
We hide
Because all we know about outside is that it’s dangerous
We distrust
Because we think we’ll get hurt if we believe
We hit
Because a hug feels awkward
We are unfaithful
Because we don’t have any faith in faith no more
We blame
Because it’s easier than an introspection
We are insulted
Because we can’t be grateful
We don’t care
Because what we don’t know won’t hurt us
We choose to believe otherwise
Because truth hits us hard
-me
June 6
Quote of the day:
"If God were alive today, He'd be an atheist."
-Kurt Vonnegut
Because we don’t know how to smile
We hate
Because we’ve never been introduced to love
We kill
Because we don’t understand life
We mock
Because we aren’t used to compliment
We hurt
Because we have no idea how to heal
We swear
Because we know no other words
We hide
Because all we know about outside is that it’s dangerous
We distrust
Because we think we’ll get hurt if we believe
We hit
Because a hug feels awkward
We are unfaithful
Because we don’t have any faith in faith no more
We blame
Because it’s easier than an introspection
We are insulted
Because we can’t be grateful
We don’t care
Because what we don’t know won’t hurt us
We choose to believe otherwise
Because truth hits us hard
-me
June 6
Quote of the day:
"If God were alive today, He'd be an atheist."
-Kurt Vonnegut
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
That is Just the Way It Goes
She's singing a song
Of a broken heart
Mouthing the words
Of desperation
Longing for a sign of happiness
She's drown in her agony
That has lingered for too long
Waiting for happiness
to come
Day after day
Love come love goes
A smile is not forever
She has a hard time accepting
That is just the way it goes
She's singing a song
Of a broken heart
Mouthing the words
Of desperation
Longing for a sign
Of happiness
She thought she has got it all
Figured out
She knows now
There are so much more
To love than what she thought
And she's looking
She keeps on looking
She's singing a song
Of a broken heart
Mouthing the words
Of desperation
Longing for a sign
Of happiness
-me
in the middle of the night
Of a broken heart
Mouthing the words
Of desperation
Longing for a sign of happiness
She's drown in her agony
That has lingered for too long
Waiting for happiness
to come
Day after day
Love come love goes
A smile is not forever
She has a hard time accepting
That is just the way it goes
She's singing a song
Of a broken heart
Mouthing the words
Of desperation
Longing for a sign
Of happiness
She thought she has got it all
Figured out
She knows now
There are so much more
To love than what she thought
And she's looking
She keeps on looking
She's singing a song
Of a broken heart
Mouthing the words
Of desperation
Longing for a sign
Of happiness
-me
in the middle of the night
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Making Love with Death
I have been lonely for so long
Within this hard cold four walls
longing to dance freely among
The stars that flirt when the darkness falls
I'm waiting in vain for love to come
Embracing me with the warmth that he has
Take me out of my feeling of numb
Let me, in his hands, rest
He comes one day through the mist
Smiling with his two hands
Open with a bewitching kiss
Leaving me with an awe so dense
The looks on his eyes saying
He knows just what I need
He caress me who just laying
Letting him to take the lead
He whispers on my ears sweetly
Telling me that this all soon will end
All agony and pain are leaving me
With the one that I expect will mend
As I'm there enjoying his presence
He slowly takes my hand leading the way
And all kinds of pleasures on any sense
Controlling me however they may
I'm going through times and spaces
Without boundary, without limit
I am filled with all graces
Leave all feelings, no more timid
He goes deep into my core
Grabbing all there is to grab
Hopelessness, despair, the feel of sore
All gone just in a snap
The cold tickling me
Spreading all over my body
Leave me, weirdly, warm and fuzzy.
Letting me there, just be
I'm flying out of my body
Reaching for the stars that once
Was a product of my dreams only
I feel like all of me bounce
To a world unknown
Where silence and darkness are all there is
A place with no fear in its ground
Somewhere where smile is not just his
I look at him and nod, finally understand
Finally sure out of question
He is, for sure, the man
To take me to my destination
So in unison with no hesitation
We stand and walk away
Leaving all this for a liberation
As I let myself sway
I'm gone to the darkness that I once longed for
To a place that knows no question
And rest my heart that they once tore
With no expectation or any mission
With love as our blanket
He makes love to me like no one ever
And since that day, me and death
We live happily ever after
-me
05/14/08
Within this hard cold four walls
longing to dance freely among
The stars that flirt when the darkness falls
I'm waiting in vain for love to come
Embracing me with the warmth that he has
Take me out of my feeling of numb
Let me, in his hands, rest
He comes one day through the mist
Smiling with his two hands
Open with a bewitching kiss
Leaving me with an awe so dense
The looks on his eyes saying
He knows just what I need
He caress me who just laying
Letting him to take the lead
He whispers on my ears sweetly
Telling me that this all soon will end
All agony and pain are leaving me
With the one that I expect will mend
As I'm there enjoying his presence
He slowly takes my hand leading the way
And all kinds of pleasures on any sense
Controlling me however they may
I'm going through times and spaces
Without boundary, without limit
I am filled with all graces
Leave all feelings, no more timid
He goes deep into my core
Grabbing all there is to grab
Hopelessness, despair, the feel of sore
All gone just in a snap
The cold tickling me
Spreading all over my body
Leave me, weirdly, warm and fuzzy.
Letting me there, just be
I'm flying out of my body
Reaching for the stars that once
Was a product of my dreams only
I feel like all of me bounce
To a world unknown
Where silence and darkness are all there is
A place with no fear in its ground
Somewhere where smile is not just his
I look at him and nod, finally understand
Finally sure out of question
He is, for sure, the man
To take me to my destination
So in unison with no hesitation
We stand and walk away
Leaving all this for a liberation
As I let myself sway
I'm gone to the darkness that I once longed for
To a place that knows no question
And rest my heart that they once tore
With no expectation or any mission
With love as our blanket
He makes love to me like no one ever
And since that day, me and death
We live happily ever after
-me
05/14/08
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Don't Love Like The First Snow in the Winter
Don’t love like the first snow in the winter
Slowly, quietly
Drop by drop
Feels your heart with great excitement
Leaps with joy
Amazes you with the beauty of it
And than go away
Without trace
Leave you wondering when will it come again
The next winter you know
But when exactly
It promises you nothing
It comes and goes as it wants to
And sometimes,
It doesn’t come
You see? The first snow in the winter
Is so beautiful on the surface
Candy for your eyes
Just spreads so pure
White
But when you step on it
You are left with mud
Ruined grass
And you long for the beauty
And the next day you come back
You see the first snow in the winter
Covers the dirt
But you deep down you know
The mud is there waiting for you to step on
And you know, you love the first snow in the winter
Oh, you really do
With all the fun that comes with it
Wonderfully warm in a weird way
You can play all day
Yes, you can
And you love it
Maybe except
Oh, except
Except
It is cold
It touches your face, your arms
And it hurts
Oh, but you love it
The thing is, the first snow in the winter
Traps you inside
Of the cold
The first snow in the winter
Forces you to hide
Inside
Isolated from the world
And when the spring comes
You forget how fun it is outside
You are scared
For you have been trapped for so long
And you trapped inside
Forever
And the first snow in the winter
Is a cheater
It is possessive
It will not let you play with the sun
The rain
The trees
The grass
Yet you know
When it covers you with joy
It covers you with
With
Love?
With love
It also covers many other souls
With the same love it shows for you
See? The first snow in the winter
Forces you to wear jacket
Layers of jackets
It forces you to cover yourself
In a shelter
When you try to touch
The first snow in the winter
With a bare skin
Trying to feel the texture
The shape of it
The feeling inside it
It numbs you
You shiver with cold
It’s stabbing you inside
Don’t love like the first snow in the winter
The first snow in the winter
Leaves you waiting
The whole year
And when it comes
It isn’t as beautiful
As you think it would
As you think it is
So don’t
Love
Like the first
Snow
In the winter
Slowly, quietly
Drop by drop
Feels your heart with great excitement
Leaps with joy
Amazes you with the beauty of it
And than go away
Without trace
Leave you wondering when will it come again
The next winter you know
But when exactly
It promises you nothing
It comes and goes as it wants to
And sometimes,
It doesn’t come
You see? The first snow in the winter
Is so beautiful on the surface
Candy for your eyes
Just spreads so pure
White
But when you step on it
You are left with mud
Ruined grass
And you long for the beauty
And the next day you come back
You see the first snow in the winter
Covers the dirt
But you deep down you know
The mud is there waiting for you to step on
And you know, you love the first snow in the winter
Oh, you really do
With all the fun that comes with it
Wonderfully warm in a weird way
You can play all day
Yes, you can
And you love it
Maybe except
Oh, except
Except
It is cold
It touches your face, your arms
And it hurts
Oh, but you love it
The thing is, the first snow in the winter
Traps you inside
Of the cold
The first snow in the winter
Forces you to hide
Inside
Isolated from the world
And when the spring comes
You forget how fun it is outside
You are scared
For you have been trapped for so long
And you trapped inside
Forever
And the first snow in the winter
Is a cheater
It is possessive
It will not let you play with the sun
The rain
The trees
The grass
Yet you know
When it covers you with joy
It covers you with
With
Love?
With love
It also covers many other souls
With the same love it shows for you
See? The first snow in the winter
Forces you to wear jacket
Layers of jackets
It forces you to cover yourself
In a shelter
When you try to touch
The first snow in the winter
With a bare skin
Trying to feel the texture
The shape of it
The feeling inside it
It numbs you
You shiver with cold
It’s stabbing you inside
Don’t love like the first snow in the winter
The first snow in the winter
Leaves you waiting
The whole year
And when it comes
It isn’t as beautiful
As you think it would
As you think it is
So don’t
Love
Like the first
Snow
In the winter
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
the dog that bites me today will not go away
The dog bites me today
It bites me hard
Right there on my hand
My legs my neck
I am running away
Panting
Breath by breath
Step by step
Trying to go
Faster and faster
The dog runs faster
Captures me eventually
Shows its disturbing face
It looks so subtle
Nice
One would be tempted
To caress its skin
To embrace its presence
It looks at me
Deep to my very core
Stab right in the hole
That I’ve been trying to cover
I always run away
I stay away
For I always know
It bites
It bites hard when you least expected
No matter where
No matter how
No matter you accept it
Or not
It follows you
Breath deeply behind your neck
Watch your every move
It is you
The dog
Is you
The reality
Is you
You can’t run away from the dog
The dog is there
It’s there
It is a part of you
No matter how many times
You try to close your eyes
And set it aside
It is you
The dog
Is you
It bites me hard
Right there on my hand
My legs my neck
I am running away
Panting
Breath by breath
Step by step
Trying to go
Faster and faster
The dog runs faster
Captures me eventually
Shows its disturbing face
It looks so subtle
Nice
One would be tempted
To caress its skin
To embrace its presence
It looks at me
Deep to my very core
Stab right in the hole
That I’ve been trying to cover
I always run away
I stay away
For I always know
It bites
It bites hard when you least expected
No matter where
No matter how
No matter you accept it
Or not
It follows you
Breath deeply behind your neck
Watch your every move
It is you
The dog
Is you
The reality
Is you
You can’t run away from the dog
The dog is there
It’s there
It is a part of you
No matter how many times
You try to close your eyes
And set it aside
It is you
The dog
Is you
Life Does Not Deliver
Life does not deliver
What it once promised me
Through words of books
Through tunes of songs
Through tales of stories
As lines on my skin added
One would think
I would have found
What I am looking for
I am walking down the path
That once was decided for me
Searching for light
At the end of the tunnel
And I’ll find out
When I find it
If it is the light of the guards
Or the light of the thieves
Getting ready to grab
And take me away
Into the nothingness
Life does not deliver
The best that it has
Despite the illusion
That people hang on to
From one perspective to another
Thinking that they have found
What they call reality
Spring out of their bed
When the sun rises
Without them caring
Living the unlived live
That they are living
Struggle to find
What they are looking for
Without knowing
What they are looking for
Run I am
In the trail of life
Rush through spaces and times
Rush
Rush
Until I find what I am looking for
If I know what I am looking for
When I find what I am looking for
-me
What it once promised me
Through words of books
Through tunes of songs
Through tales of stories
As lines on my skin added
One would think
I would have found
What I am looking for
I am walking down the path
That once was decided for me
Searching for light
At the end of the tunnel
And I’ll find out
When I find it
If it is the light of the guards
Or the light of the thieves
Getting ready to grab
And take me away
Into the nothingness
Life does not deliver
The best that it has
Despite the illusion
That people hang on to
From one perspective to another
Thinking that they have found
What they call reality
Spring out of their bed
When the sun rises
Without them caring
Living the unlived live
That they are living
Struggle to find
What they are looking for
Without knowing
What they are looking for
Run I am
In the trail of life
Rush through spaces and times
Rush
Rush
Until I find what I am looking for
If I know what I am looking for
When I find what I am looking for
-me
Friday, April 25, 2008
free write from someone who isn't free
I have just slept for 1 hour for no apparent reason. Now I feel like I'm going to do. I need someone to talk to. I need someone to save me from this god damned situation. I'm fucking tired of this. I need a normal life. I wish I can runaway and just stop doing all this. I hate being like this. I just want to be able to sleep whenever I want to. I just want to be able to rest my thoughts. I just want to be able to feel like my old self once again.
-me
-me
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
this is where I end up
Lost in the maze of confusedness
Wondering what today may bring
Walking down the road of mess
Lost in the middle of nothing
Questions are floating all over
With clues that don’t exist
When will I find the answer
Or forever I’ll stay in this mist
I’m losing myself slowly
Self that once was taken for granted
The faces that I knew have changed vividly
Memories that I treasured have slowly faded
Wish I could stop walking in this illusion
And stop looking for what I can’t find
This is a simple complication
But mine is one depressive mind
-me
apr.23 08
home
auburn, WA, USA
Wondering what today may bring
Walking down the road of mess
Lost in the middle of nothing
Questions are floating all over
With clues that don’t exist
When will I find the answer
Or forever I’ll stay in this mist
I’m losing myself slowly
Self that once was taken for granted
The faces that I knew have changed vividly
Memories that I treasured have slowly faded
Wish I could stop walking in this illusion
And stop looking for what I can’t find
This is a simple complication
But mine is one depressive mind
-me
apr.23 08
home
auburn, WA, USA
Monday, April 7, 2008
The Unfairness of 'God(s)'
If I never exist
I will not be a human
With all fears and worries and pains
Lost in never ending questions
Without answers
And yet is expected to be faithful
If I never exist
I will not live an empty life
Without purpose
Without knowing why
Without understanding how
and yet is bound to live it
If I never exist
I will not be a sinner
With the shadow of punishment
Above my head
Scared every single moment
Of the prospect of hell
and yet is condemned to do it
If I never exist
I don’t have to live in an endless cycle
Playing the big game
Without knowing the rules
Or when I will win
If I can win
and yet can't get out
If I never exist
I won’t have to live
With inevitable truths
Of how roses have their thorns
And happiness won’t linger
Not even for a while
and yet is forced to believe differently
If I never exist
I won’t have to live up
To the expectations of people
That I don’t even know who
Oblige to live like the dead
Face the world of unjust
and yet is compeled to fulfill it
If I never exist
I don’t have to fight
Neither kills for survival
And lost in the maze
Of unfortunate events
and yet is demanded to be civilized
If I never exist
I won’t be held liable
For the mistakes
That are destined to me
And marked with my blood
and yet is necessitate to stay pure
If only I never exist
I won’t have to endure
The sentence for my offense
That are ensured to be done by me
Since the first day I shredded my tear
and yet is asked to be fair
If only I never exist
I will be the happiest man
There ever is
And yet here I am in my existance
-me
April 7 2008
(Another product of my contemplation with Danny, Lucky, Gora)
I will not be a human
With all fears and worries and pains
Lost in never ending questions
Without answers
And yet is expected to be faithful
If I never exist
I will not live an empty life
Without purpose
Without knowing why
Without understanding how
and yet is bound to live it
If I never exist
I will not be a sinner
With the shadow of punishment
Above my head
Scared every single moment
Of the prospect of hell
and yet is condemned to do it
If I never exist
I don’t have to live in an endless cycle
Playing the big game
Without knowing the rules
Or when I will win
If I can win
and yet can't get out
If I never exist
I won’t have to live
With inevitable truths
Of how roses have their thorns
And happiness won’t linger
Not even for a while
and yet is forced to believe differently
If I never exist
I won’t have to live up
To the expectations of people
That I don’t even know who
Oblige to live like the dead
Face the world of unjust
and yet is compeled to fulfill it
If I never exist
I don’t have to fight
Neither kills for survival
And lost in the maze
Of unfortunate events
and yet is demanded to be civilized
If I never exist
I won’t be held liable
For the mistakes
That are destined to me
And marked with my blood
and yet is necessitate to stay pure
If only I never exist
I won’t have to endure
The sentence for my offense
That are ensured to be done by me
Since the first day I shredded my tear
and yet is asked to be fair
If only I never exist
I will be the happiest man
There ever is
And yet here I am in my existance
-me
April 7 2008
(Another product of my contemplation with Danny, Lucky, Gora)
An Ode to Our Foolishness
We are singing
A distant melody
About beauty
That will never be real
Contemplating
On ideals
That forever will only be
The philosophers’ dreams
We are runners
In machines
That we think we are moving
Forward
We are fooled
Deluded
For delusions is much
Prettier
Than the truth
We’re playing
A never ending game
Against time
Against stupidity
Against the declining humanities
Against era
Than again we’re singing
The songs of victory
We’re drown in the jubilation
That we’re blind
We refuse to look
In the mirror
To see what our face has become
We decorate the streets with
Flowers
Ribbons
Confetti
We filled our children’s heads with
Fallacies
Empty hope
Fairy tales
Than again we’re singing
We write beautiful words
To hide what lies beneath
We fail to sense
The enemies surround
Hidden more than ever
Poison our wines
With poisonous herbs
Deceive our children
With tales of evil
Tear our dresses
With the thorns of our own
Roses
We are losing
Our war for humanities
For we have stopped fighting
In the shelter
Of our victory
We deceive ourselves
-me
April 7 2008
(inspired by a series of contemplation with Danny, Lucky, Gora)
A distant melody
About beauty
That will never be real
Contemplating
On ideals
That forever will only be
The philosophers’ dreams
We are runners
In machines
That we think we are moving
Forward
We are fooled
Deluded
For delusions is much
Prettier
Than the truth
We’re playing
A never ending game
Against time
Against stupidity
Against the declining humanities
Against era
Than again we’re singing
The songs of victory
We’re drown in the jubilation
That we’re blind
We refuse to look
In the mirror
To see what our face has become
We decorate the streets with
Flowers
Ribbons
Confetti
We filled our children’s heads with
Fallacies
Empty hope
Fairy tales
Than again we’re singing
We write beautiful words
To hide what lies beneath
We fail to sense
The enemies surround
Hidden more than ever
Poison our wines
With poisonous herbs
Deceive our children
With tales of evil
Tear our dresses
With the thorns of our own
Roses
We are losing
Our war for humanities
For we have stopped fighting
In the shelter
Of our victory
We deceive ourselves
-me
April 7 2008
(inspired by a series of contemplation with Danny, Lucky, Gora)
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
the morning light -Part I
The Morning Light
early that day
a morning light came to me and say
good morning my dear
suddenly all became bright and clear
with a drop of spirit in its hand
and a taste of charm on its lips so grand
its hands wrapped around me so warm
like no one could do any harm
later that day
the morning light looked at me and say
Good bye my baby
with a blink of an eye, away it flee
-me
02/07/08
early that day
a morning light came to me and say
good morning my dear
suddenly all became bright and clear
with a drop of spirit in its hand
and a taste of charm on its lips so grand
its hands wrapped around me so warm
like no one could do any harm
later that day
the morning light looked at me and say
Good bye my baby
with a blink of an eye, away it flee
-me
02/07/08
Thursday, January 24, 2008
today
My ears are deaf and my eyes are blind
Today, I leave all behind
All I can hear is the voice of the new day
The singing of birds all together play
All I can see is the early dew on the ground
When the first wind blows without a sound
In the corner of my space alone I lay
Yesterday, the bloods and the wounds became array
So far away I fly
Far away from the world of thieves and the sly
I keep running to the end of the world that I know
I keep running until I’m panting and my moves become slow
I am a prey
Within my world that fades to grey
My soul longs to go away
But I’m trapped within this world night and day
Paralyzed completely deep to the soul
Watching as my world became foul
I have stayed in the back of my mind
Until I mush with all those kind
Bloods and sorrows and tears
How so I can leave all that and fears
I have to runaway I know I have to
Before my soul become hole and damp too
I sit in the center of my space
Waiting for someone to take me away without a trace
Years pass by and I’m still here
Soul wears off and feels no more
I close my eyes slowly
To help my soul that hurts severely
And than cold and numb my body be
My soul finally set to free
I hear the voices of children crying
As I fly away, they are fading
I feel the pain on my heart lifted
As slowly, my soul is shifted
My ears are deaf and my eyes are blind
Today, I leave all behind
Bloods and sorrows and tears
I leave all that and fears
I close my eyes to help my soul slowly
And finally rest I am in serenity
-me
January 25
00.30
"Everything you can imagine is real."
Pablo Picasso
Today, I leave all behind
All I can hear is the voice of the new day
The singing of birds all together play
All I can see is the early dew on the ground
When the first wind blows without a sound
In the corner of my space alone I lay
Yesterday, the bloods and the wounds became array
So far away I fly
Far away from the world of thieves and the sly
I keep running to the end of the world that I know
I keep running until I’m panting and my moves become slow
I am a prey
Within my world that fades to grey
My soul longs to go away
But I’m trapped within this world night and day
Paralyzed completely deep to the soul
Watching as my world became foul
I have stayed in the back of my mind
Until I mush with all those kind
Bloods and sorrows and tears
How so I can leave all that and fears
I have to runaway I know I have to
Before my soul become hole and damp too
I sit in the center of my space
Waiting for someone to take me away without a trace
Years pass by and I’m still here
Soul wears off and feels no more
I close my eyes slowly
To help my soul that hurts severely
And than cold and numb my body be
My soul finally set to free
I hear the voices of children crying
As I fly away, they are fading
I feel the pain on my heart lifted
As slowly, my soul is shifted
My ears are deaf and my eyes are blind
Today, I leave all behind
Bloods and sorrows and tears
I leave all that and fears
I close my eyes to help my soul slowly
And finally rest I am in serenity
-me
January 25
00.30
"Everything you can imagine is real."
Pablo Picasso
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Selamat Sore, Pak Polisi!
“Selamat sore, Pak Polisi.”
“Nama?”
“Ngatno, Pak Polisi.”
“Alamat?”
“Jalan Perkampungan Kumuh No. 13, Pak Polisi.”
“Nama bapak situ siapa?”
“Paidjo, Pak Polisi.”
“Orang miskin, ya?!”
“Oh, nggak Pak Polisi.”
“Kerjaan bapak kamu?!”
“Tukang parkir, Pak Polisi.”
“Memangnya jadi tukang parkir, kaya?!”
“Loh, iya pak..
Kaya
kan
rel…”
“DIAM KAMU! Jangan banyak omong!”
“Baik, Pak Polisi.”
“Ngapain kamu?”
“Diam, Pak Polisi.”
“GOBLOK! Ngapain kamu sampai dibawa ke sini?”
“Nyolong, Pak Polisi.”
“Dasar orang miskin! Nyolong apa?!”
“Ayam, Pak Polisi.”
“Ayam saja dicolong!”
“Maaf, Pak Polisi.”
“Ayamnya buat apa?”
“Dijual, Pak Polisi.”
“Duitnya?!”
“Buat bawa anak berobat, Pak Polisi.”
“Dasar orang miskin!”
“Maaf, Pak Polisi.”
“Ya sudah! Kamu masuk penjara!”
“Berapa lama, Pak Polisi?”
“Seribu tahun!”
***
“Selamat sore, Pak Polisi.”
“Selamat sore, Pak. Maaf, kalau boleh tahu, nama panjang bapak, siapa?”
“Toni Moeharto.”
“Oh, iya, baik, Pak. Kalau alamat bapak?”
“Jalan Perumahan Elit No. 1.”
“Nama bapak atau orang tua, Pak?”
“Pak Roni Moeharto.”
“Maaf, Pak. Tolong dijawab, pekerjaannya Pak Roni Moeharto, apa, Pak?
“Dulu pengusaha, tapi sudah pensiun. Bapak saya orang kaya. Punya rumah 7. Perusahaannya, tersebar di seluruh Indonesia. Anak perusahaannya lebih dari 200 perusahaan. Investasi di mana-mana. Baru kemarin dia beli perkebunan kelapa sawit. Mobilnya yang….”
Dua jam kemudian.
“Pokoknya, bapak saya itu kaya lah.”
“Oh, iya Pak.”
“Apa lagi?”
“Begini Pak. Kalau saya oleh tahu, bapak kenapa bisa dibawa kemari?”
“Korupsi.”
“Maaf, Pak. Berapa banyak?
“Tiga ratus
lima puluh
enam triliun.”
“Oh, untuk apa ya Pak, uangnya?”
“Untuk keliling dunia, makan enak, untuk anak dan istri. Belanja.”
“Oh, iya.”
“Oh iya melulu! Terus gimana?”
“Oh, iya. Begini, Pak. Karena bapak bersalah korupsi, Bapak harus mendapat hukuman. Bapak harus ditahan, Pak.”
“Berapa lama?”
“Tiga tahun, Pak.”
***
“Tujuh belas Agustus tahun empat
lima…”
“Selamat pagi, Pak Toni Moeharto. Anda mendapat remisi.”
“Berapa bulan?”
“Tiga puluh bulan, Pak.”
“Dua setengah tahun?”
“Iya, Pak. Karena berkelakuan baik.”
“Oh, iya. Makasih. Jadi saya sudah boleh keluar?”
“Besok, Pak.”
“Maaf, Pak Polisi, saya dapat remisi tidak?”
“Nama?”
”Ngatno.”
“Nggak!"
”Kenapa, Pak?”
“Sudah kebanyakan yang dikasih remisi!”
***
“Pak Toni, selamat datang kembali ke perusahaan kita.”
“Terima kasih.”
“Kami sudah membuat pesta selamat datang atas kebebasan bapak.”
“Oh, iya, iya.”
“Senang sekali bertemu dengan bapak lagi.”
“Oh, iya.”
“Kolega-kolega bapak sudah tidak sabar untuk bekerja sama lagi dengan bapak.”
“Bagus, bagus. Kekayaan saya tidak diapa-apakan?”
“Tidak, Pak.”
“Bagus.”
***
“Heh, maling! Kamu sudah bebas?”
“Sudah. Maaf, Pak. Saya mau melamar pekerjaan.”
“Kamu pikir saya mau kasih kerjaan maling kayak kamu?”
“Maaf, Pak.”
“Sana, pergi!”
---
“Permisi, Pak.”
“Ya?"
“Saya mau cari pekerjaan. Apa saja saya mau.”
“Saya ogah mempekerjakan maling kayak kamu!”
---
“Permi…”
”Heh! Maling! Ngapain kamu ke sini?! PERGI!”
***
“Pak, anakmu sakit. Butuh uang.”
“Bapak, saya sudah ditagih uang sekolah.”
“Pak, tagihan listrik sudah menumpuk.”
“Bapak, saya lapar.”
“Pak!”
“Bapak!”
“Pak!”
“Bapak!”
***
“Saya nanti alihkan perhatiannya, kamu masuk lewat pintu samping.”
“Kamu yakin pintu samping nggak ada yang jaga?”
“Yakin! Kamu penakut amat sih No?”
“Saya takut dipenjara lagi.”
”Sudah, aman! Ayo! Satu, dua, tiga! Lari!”
Trap, trap, trap.
Kriet.
Bruk!
Gubrak!
“MALING!!!!”
“Dasar maling!”
“Gebukin aja!”
“Ampun!”
“Dasar maling! Sekali maling tetap maling!”
“Sudah! Bakar saja!”
“Ni korek!”
“Ni bensin!”
Byur!
Cres!
”Aaaaah!!!”
“MAMPUS LO! DASAR MALING!”
“Kebenaran menang!”
“Menang kebenaran!”
“Hukum sudah berdiri!”
“Sudah berdiri hukum!”
“Keadilan ditegakkan!”
“Ditegakkan keadilan!”
***
Nyawa sang maling melayang.
Harta sang koruptor mengembang.
Dunia bersenang-senang.
Atas keadilan yang katanya sudah menang.
13/05/07
-me
was in my friendster blog
“Nama?”
“Ngatno, Pak Polisi.”
“Alamat?”
“Jalan Perkampungan Kumuh No. 13, Pak Polisi.”
“Nama bapak situ siapa?”
“Paidjo, Pak Polisi.”
“Orang miskin, ya?!”
“Oh, nggak Pak Polisi.”
“Kerjaan bapak kamu?!”
“Tukang parkir, Pak Polisi.”
“Memangnya jadi tukang parkir, kaya?!”
“Loh, iya pak..
Kaya
kan
rel…”
“DIAM KAMU! Jangan banyak omong!”
“Baik, Pak Polisi.”
“Ngapain kamu?”
“Diam, Pak Polisi.”
“GOBLOK! Ngapain kamu sampai dibawa ke sini?”
“Nyolong, Pak Polisi.”
“Dasar orang miskin! Nyolong apa?!”
“Ayam, Pak Polisi.”
“Ayam saja dicolong!”
“Maaf, Pak Polisi.”
“Ayamnya buat apa?”
“Dijual, Pak Polisi.”
“Duitnya?!”
“Buat bawa anak berobat, Pak Polisi.”
“Dasar orang miskin!”
“Maaf, Pak Polisi.”
“Ya sudah! Kamu masuk penjara!”
“Berapa lama, Pak Polisi?”
“Seribu tahun!”
***
“Selamat sore, Pak Polisi.”
“Selamat sore, Pak. Maaf, kalau boleh tahu, nama panjang bapak, siapa?”
“Toni Moeharto.”
“Oh, iya, baik, Pak. Kalau alamat bapak?”
“Jalan Perumahan Elit No. 1.”
“Nama bapak atau orang tua, Pak?”
“Pak Roni Moeharto.”
“Maaf, Pak. Tolong dijawab, pekerjaannya Pak Roni Moeharto, apa, Pak?
“Dulu pengusaha, tapi sudah pensiun. Bapak saya orang kaya. Punya rumah 7. Perusahaannya, tersebar di seluruh Indonesia. Anak perusahaannya lebih dari 200 perusahaan. Investasi di mana-mana. Baru kemarin dia beli perkebunan kelapa sawit. Mobilnya yang….”
Dua jam kemudian.
“Pokoknya, bapak saya itu kaya lah.”
“Oh, iya Pak.”
“Apa lagi?”
“Begini Pak. Kalau saya oleh tahu, bapak kenapa bisa dibawa kemari?”
“Korupsi.”
“Maaf, Pak. Berapa banyak?
“Tiga ratus
lima puluh
enam triliun.”
“Oh, untuk apa ya Pak, uangnya?”
“Untuk keliling dunia, makan enak, untuk anak dan istri. Belanja.”
“Oh, iya.”
“Oh iya melulu! Terus gimana?”
“Oh, iya. Begini, Pak. Karena bapak bersalah korupsi, Bapak harus mendapat hukuman. Bapak harus ditahan, Pak.”
“Berapa lama?”
“Tiga tahun, Pak.”
***
“Tujuh belas Agustus tahun empat
lima…”
“Selamat pagi, Pak Toni Moeharto. Anda mendapat remisi.”
“Berapa bulan?”
“Tiga puluh bulan, Pak.”
“Dua setengah tahun?”
“Iya, Pak. Karena berkelakuan baik.”
“Oh, iya. Makasih. Jadi saya sudah boleh keluar?”
“Besok, Pak.”
“Maaf, Pak Polisi, saya dapat remisi tidak?”
“Nama?”
”Ngatno.”
“Nggak!"
”Kenapa, Pak?”
“Sudah kebanyakan yang dikasih remisi!”
***
“Pak Toni, selamat datang kembali ke perusahaan kita.”
“Terima kasih.”
“Kami sudah membuat pesta selamat datang atas kebebasan bapak.”
“Oh, iya, iya.”
“Senang sekali bertemu dengan bapak lagi.”
“Oh, iya.”
“Kolega-kolega bapak sudah tidak sabar untuk bekerja sama lagi dengan bapak.”
“Bagus, bagus. Kekayaan saya tidak diapa-apakan?”
“Tidak, Pak.”
“Bagus.”
***
“Heh, maling! Kamu sudah bebas?”
“Sudah. Maaf, Pak. Saya mau melamar pekerjaan.”
“Kamu pikir saya mau kasih kerjaan maling kayak kamu?”
“Maaf, Pak.”
“Sana, pergi!”
---
“Permisi, Pak.”
“Ya?"
“Saya mau cari pekerjaan. Apa saja saya mau.”
“Saya ogah mempekerjakan maling kayak kamu!”
---
“Permi…”
”Heh! Maling! Ngapain kamu ke sini?! PERGI!”
***
“Pak, anakmu sakit. Butuh uang.”
“Bapak, saya sudah ditagih uang sekolah.”
“Pak, tagihan listrik sudah menumpuk.”
“Bapak, saya lapar.”
“Pak!”
“Bapak!”
“Pak!”
“Bapak!”
***
“Saya nanti alihkan perhatiannya, kamu masuk lewat pintu samping.”
“Kamu yakin pintu samping nggak ada yang jaga?”
“Yakin! Kamu penakut amat sih No?”
“Saya takut dipenjara lagi.”
”Sudah, aman! Ayo! Satu, dua, tiga! Lari!”
Trap, trap, trap.
Kriet.
Bruk!
Gubrak!
“MALING!!!!”
“Dasar maling!”
“Gebukin aja!”
“Ampun!”
“Dasar maling! Sekali maling tetap maling!”
“Sudah! Bakar saja!”
“Ni korek!”
“Ni bensin!”
Byur!
Cres!
”Aaaaah!!!”
“MAMPUS LO! DASAR MALING!”
“Kebenaran menang!”
“Menang kebenaran!”
“Hukum sudah berdiri!”
“Sudah berdiri hukum!”
“Keadilan ditegakkan!”
“Ditegakkan keadilan!”
***
Nyawa sang maling melayang.
Harta sang koruptor mengembang.
Dunia bersenang-senang.
Atas keadilan yang katanya sudah menang.
13/05/07
-me
was in my friendster blog
Dara Tidak Bisa Terbang
Banyak hal yang Dara tidak suka. Contohnya es krim. Dara tidak suka es krim. Karena gigi Dara rusak dan semuanya ngilu kalau makan es krim. Dara juga tidak suka laki-laki. Karena kata Dara, laki-laki hanya membawa masalah.
Dara tidak suka laki-laki. Karena laki-laki bodoh. Itu kata Dara. Contohnya ayah. Ayah tidak bisa apa-apa. Dan ayah tidak peduli. Dara juga tidak peduli. Ayah hanya bisa lari. Ayah hanya bisa pergi. Mabuk dan pergi meninggalkan luka. Ayah hanya bisa menyakiti ibu. Dara tidak suka ibu. Ibu payah.
Dara tidak suka ibu. Karena ibu tidak pernah membelanya. Ibu hanya diam melihat Dara dipukuli. Dara tidak suka ibu. Dara ingin ibu berteriak. Membelanya. Atau menarik tangannya dan membawanya pergi. Dara suka itu. Ibu hanya bisa menangis. Dara tidak suka menangis. Menangis itu lemah.
Dara tidak suka menangis. Menangis itu sia-sia Dara bilang. Menangis hanya menambah luka. Dan mengasihani diri sendiri tidak berguna. Dara tidak pernah menangis. Karena Dara tidak diijinkan untuk menangis. Setiap Dara menangis, Dara dihukum. Dara hanya diam. Karena Dara tidak suka bicara. Bicara tidak mengungkapkan apa-apa.
Dara tidak suka bicara. Menurut Dara, dunia ini sudah terlalu penuh dengan sampah-sampah omong kosong. Dara bicara hanya beberapa kali dalam sehari. Karena Dara bilang, terlalu banyak bicara omong kosong membuat otak jadi goblok. Tapi mungkin juga karena tak ada yang bisa diajak bicara. Dara kesepian. Dan Dara tidak suka kesepian. Mungkin sedikit suka.
Dara tidak suka sendirian. Karena sendirian membuat kita gila. Sendirian membuat kita merasa mau meledak. Tapi Dara sering sendirian. Tapi Dara belum meledak. Belum juga gila. Mungkin sedikit gila. Mungkin juga Dara suka sendirian. Semuanya tidak pasti. Dara tidak suka ketidak pastian. Ketidak pastian hanya untuk orang sakit.
Dara tidak suka ketidak pastian. Ketidak pastian berarti pertanyaan. Pertanyaan tidak berguna. Apa yang tidak ketahui tidak akan membuat kita terluka. Ketidak tahuan itu bagus. Jadi kenapa harus ada pertanyaan? Dara tidak suka bertanya. Karena tidak tahu berarti aman. Dan Dara suka rasa aman. Walaupun Dara tidak pernah merasa aman. Tapi ketidak tahuan berbeda dengan ketidak pastian. Ketidak pastian berarti menunggu. Dan Dara tidak suka menunggu. Dara bilang menunggu itu perbuatan gila.
Dara tidak suka menunggu. Menunggu hanya untuk yang di bawah. Mengapa harus menunggu? Dara sudah cukup menunggu selama hidupnya. Dan Dara sudah cukup gila. Menunggu kebebasan. Sampai Dara putuskan untuk mendapatkan kebebasannya sendiri. Sudah cukup bukti untuk Dara. Bahwa menunggu tak akan ada hasilnya. Itu kebenaran yang Dara tahu. Dara tidak suka kebenaran. Kebenaran menyakitkan.
Dara tidak suka kebenaran. Kebenaran adalah kata yang penuh kebohongan. Semua kebenaran selalu diselipi kebohongan. Itu di dunia Dara. Dara akan percaya apa yang dia mau. Tak peduli benar atau tidak. Karena Dara bilang kebenaran dan kebohongan sekarang sama. Rupanya Dara tidak percaya lagi. Dara tidak suka ketidak percayaan. Ketidak percayaan menyiksa.
Dara tidak suka ketidak percayaan. Ketidak percayaan melemahkan. Tapi Dara tak bisa apa-apa. Buat Dara tidak ada pilihan. Semuanya terlalu palsu. Ketidak percayaan melemahkan. Kepercayaan lebih melemahkan. Maka Dara harus tidak percaya. Dan Dara tidak suka keharusan. Keharusan adalah penjara.
Dara tidak suka keharusan. Dara muak dengan keharusan. Seumur hidupnya Dara hidup dengan kata harus. Dara mau hidup dengan caranya sendiri. Dara lelah dengan aturan-aturan yang dibuat orang lain. Dara bilang cukup. Ini hidup Dara. Dara tidak suka hidup. Hidup melelahkan untuk Dara.
Dara tidak suka hidup. Hidup untuk Dara bukan mencapai kebahagiaan. Hidup untuk Dara berarti bertahan. Hidup Dara adalah kemalangan. Karena Dara tidak tahu bagaimana hidup bahagia selamanya. Karena Dara ditakdirkan untuk menderita. Mungkin hari Dara dimulai saat Dara tidur. Tapi Dara juga tidak suka tidur. Tidur membuat Dara tidak awas.
Dara tidak suka tidur. Tidur tidak juga melepaskan lelah. Karena dalam tidur otak Dara tetap bekerja. Dan mimpi-mimpi Dara tidak membantu. Mimpi buruk membuat Dara lebih lelah. Mimpi indah membuat Dara ingin mati. Ingin mati berarti keputus asaan. Putus asa berarti akhir.
Dara tidak suka putus asa. Dara tidak boleh putus asa. Bila putus asa Dara berakhir. Karena Dara hidup karena Dara. Keputus asaan adalah kejatuhan. Dan Dara tidak mau jatuh. Putus asa juga bagian dari omong kosong. Putus asa adalah sakit. Jelas Dara tidak suka sakit. Sakit adalah sakit.
Dara tidak suka sakit. Dara sudah cukup merasakan sakit. Seumur hidupnya dia hanya merasa sakit. Fisik dan mental. Dara ingin muntah. Semua sakitnya mematikan emosinya. Tapi Dara tidak keberatan. Karena Dara tidak suka emosi. Emosi sampah.
Dara tidak suka emosi. Emosi membuat Dara hancur. Dara bertahan tanpa emosi. Emosi adalah coreng. Dara cuma mau jauh-jauh dari emosi. Emosi membuat orang menangis. Emosi membuat orang tertawa. Emosi membuat orang berteriak. Dara tidak suka berteriak. Berteriak menghabiskan tenaga.
Dara tidak suka berteriak. Berteriak tak ada gunanya. Dara percaya tidak ada yang mendengarnya berteriak. Berteriak hanya membuat Dara makin tersiksa. Berteriak bisa membuat Dara disangka gila. Dan itu bisa menimbulkan cerita. Dara tidak suka cerita. Cerita identik dengan dongeng.
Dara tidak suka cerita. Dara tidak ingin mendengar cerita. Dara jarang sekali mendengar cerita. Tapi Dara ingat. Cerita tentang upik abu yang menikah dengan pangeran karena bantuan peri pelindung. Tapi Dara belajar. Dalam hidup yang panjang dan menyakitkan, peri pelindung tidak ada. Paling tidak, tidak untuk Dara. Dara adalah pengecualian. Cerita hanya membuat kita berharap. Harapan-harapan kosong. Dara juga tidak suka harapan-harapan kosong. Membuat kita buta.
Dara tidak suka harapan-harapan kosong. Harapan-harapan kosong menghempaskan kita dengan menyakitkan. Dara sering berurusan dengan harapan-harapan kosong. Harapan-harapan yang membuat Dara melayang untuk kemudian menghempaskannya. Dara mulai belajar kata-kata, ‘semakin tinggi kita terbang semakin sakit jatuhnya.” Dara tidak ingin jatuh. Maka Dara tidak mencoba terbang.
Tahu apa yang Dara suka? Dara suka menghilang. Dara suka menghilangkan eksistensinya. Dara suka menjadi angin. Dara suka tidak ada.
Masih banyak yang Dara tidak suka. Tapi hidup bukan pilihan. Dara terpaksa makan es krim kapan itu karena tidak ada makanan lain. Dara harus berurusan dengan banyak laki-laki. Dara harus mengurus ibu. Dara sering menangis dalam tidurnya walaupun dia tidak mau. Dara harus bicara karena Dara hidup. Dara harus menghabiskan hampir seluruh hidupnya dalam kesendirian karena Dara tidak punya siapa-siapa. Dara hidup dalam ketidak pastian sebenci apapun dia pada ketidak pastian. Dara menunggu seumur hidupnya dalam penantian tanpa akhir. Dara juga hidup dalam kebenaran bahwa hidup itu tidak adil. Dara tidak percaya pada siapa pun atau apa pun seberapa pun keinginannya untuk percaya. Dara hidup hidup dalam keharusan-keharusan yang terus ada. Dara hidup walaupun setengah mati dia ingin mati. Dara tidur setiap malam karena alam mengatakan begitu. Dara putus asa setiap hari dan setiap detik hidupnya. Dara sakit kemarin, flu, dan Dara sakit hati sejak dia lahir. Dara merasakan banyak emosi dalam hidupnya walaupun Dara tidak mengakuinya. Dara seringkali harus berteriak karena orang-orang terlalu tuli untuk mendengar. Dara mendengar banyak cerita setiap harinya walaupun dia menolak untuk mendengar. Dara berdiri di atas harapan-harapan kosong sejak dulu mungkin sampai dia mati.
Dan Dara tidak bisa menghilang.
note: thanks to Dara. a Little girl at "kampung Doank" that gave me the inspiration.
wish u a good life, kiddo. A better one than this Dara's
-me
was in my friendster blog
Dara tidak suka laki-laki. Karena laki-laki bodoh. Itu kata Dara. Contohnya ayah. Ayah tidak bisa apa-apa. Dan ayah tidak peduli. Dara juga tidak peduli. Ayah hanya bisa lari. Ayah hanya bisa pergi. Mabuk dan pergi meninggalkan luka. Ayah hanya bisa menyakiti ibu. Dara tidak suka ibu. Ibu payah.
Dara tidak suka ibu. Karena ibu tidak pernah membelanya. Ibu hanya diam melihat Dara dipukuli. Dara tidak suka ibu. Dara ingin ibu berteriak. Membelanya. Atau menarik tangannya dan membawanya pergi. Dara suka itu. Ibu hanya bisa menangis. Dara tidak suka menangis. Menangis itu lemah.
Dara tidak suka menangis. Menangis itu sia-sia Dara bilang. Menangis hanya menambah luka. Dan mengasihani diri sendiri tidak berguna. Dara tidak pernah menangis. Karena Dara tidak diijinkan untuk menangis. Setiap Dara menangis, Dara dihukum. Dara hanya diam. Karena Dara tidak suka bicara. Bicara tidak mengungkapkan apa-apa.
Dara tidak suka bicara. Menurut Dara, dunia ini sudah terlalu penuh dengan sampah-sampah omong kosong. Dara bicara hanya beberapa kali dalam sehari. Karena Dara bilang, terlalu banyak bicara omong kosong membuat otak jadi goblok. Tapi mungkin juga karena tak ada yang bisa diajak bicara. Dara kesepian. Dan Dara tidak suka kesepian. Mungkin sedikit suka.
Dara tidak suka sendirian. Karena sendirian membuat kita gila. Sendirian membuat kita merasa mau meledak. Tapi Dara sering sendirian. Tapi Dara belum meledak. Belum juga gila. Mungkin sedikit gila. Mungkin juga Dara suka sendirian. Semuanya tidak pasti. Dara tidak suka ketidak pastian. Ketidak pastian hanya untuk orang sakit.
Dara tidak suka ketidak pastian. Ketidak pastian berarti pertanyaan. Pertanyaan tidak berguna. Apa yang tidak ketahui tidak akan membuat kita terluka. Ketidak tahuan itu bagus. Jadi kenapa harus ada pertanyaan? Dara tidak suka bertanya. Karena tidak tahu berarti aman. Dan Dara suka rasa aman. Walaupun Dara tidak pernah merasa aman. Tapi ketidak tahuan berbeda dengan ketidak pastian. Ketidak pastian berarti menunggu. Dan Dara tidak suka menunggu. Dara bilang menunggu itu perbuatan gila.
Dara tidak suka menunggu. Menunggu hanya untuk yang di bawah. Mengapa harus menunggu? Dara sudah cukup menunggu selama hidupnya. Dan Dara sudah cukup gila. Menunggu kebebasan. Sampai Dara putuskan untuk mendapatkan kebebasannya sendiri. Sudah cukup bukti untuk Dara. Bahwa menunggu tak akan ada hasilnya. Itu kebenaran yang Dara tahu. Dara tidak suka kebenaran. Kebenaran menyakitkan.
Dara tidak suka kebenaran. Kebenaran adalah kata yang penuh kebohongan. Semua kebenaran selalu diselipi kebohongan. Itu di dunia Dara. Dara akan percaya apa yang dia mau. Tak peduli benar atau tidak. Karena Dara bilang kebenaran dan kebohongan sekarang sama. Rupanya Dara tidak percaya lagi. Dara tidak suka ketidak percayaan. Ketidak percayaan menyiksa.
Dara tidak suka ketidak percayaan. Ketidak percayaan melemahkan. Tapi Dara tak bisa apa-apa. Buat Dara tidak ada pilihan. Semuanya terlalu palsu. Ketidak percayaan melemahkan. Kepercayaan lebih melemahkan. Maka Dara harus tidak percaya. Dan Dara tidak suka keharusan. Keharusan adalah penjara.
Dara tidak suka keharusan. Dara muak dengan keharusan. Seumur hidupnya Dara hidup dengan kata harus. Dara mau hidup dengan caranya sendiri. Dara lelah dengan aturan-aturan yang dibuat orang lain. Dara bilang cukup. Ini hidup Dara. Dara tidak suka hidup. Hidup melelahkan untuk Dara.
Dara tidak suka hidup. Hidup untuk Dara bukan mencapai kebahagiaan. Hidup untuk Dara berarti bertahan. Hidup Dara adalah kemalangan. Karena Dara tidak tahu bagaimana hidup bahagia selamanya. Karena Dara ditakdirkan untuk menderita. Mungkin hari Dara dimulai saat Dara tidur. Tapi Dara juga tidak suka tidur. Tidur membuat Dara tidak awas.
Dara tidak suka tidur. Tidur tidak juga melepaskan lelah. Karena dalam tidur otak Dara tetap bekerja. Dan mimpi-mimpi Dara tidak membantu. Mimpi buruk membuat Dara lebih lelah. Mimpi indah membuat Dara ingin mati. Ingin mati berarti keputus asaan. Putus asa berarti akhir.
Dara tidak suka putus asa. Dara tidak boleh putus asa. Bila putus asa Dara berakhir. Karena Dara hidup karena Dara. Keputus asaan adalah kejatuhan. Dan Dara tidak mau jatuh. Putus asa juga bagian dari omong kosong. Putus asa adalah sakit. Jelas Dara tidak suka sakit. Sakit adalah sakit.
Dara tidak suka sakit. Dara sudah cukup merasakan sakit. Seumur hidupnya dia hanya merasa sakit. Fisik dan mental. Dara ingin muntah. Semua sakitnya mematikan emosinya. Tapi Dara tidak keberatan. Karena Dara tidak suka emosi. Emosi sampah.
Dara tidak suka emosi. Emosi membuat Dara hancur. Dara bertahan tanpa emosi. Emosi adalah coreng. Dara cuma mau jauh-jauh dari emosi. Emosi membuat orang menangis. Emosi membuat orang tertawa. Emosi membuat orang berteriak. Dara tidak suka berteriak. Berteriak menghabiskan tenaga.
Dara tidak suka berteriak. Berteriak tak ada gunanya. Dara percaya tidak ada yang mendengarnya berteriak. Berteriak hanya membuat Dara makin tersiksa. Berteriak bisa membuat Dara disangka gila. Dan itu bisa menimbulkan cerita. Dara tidak suka cerita. Cerita identik dengan dongeng.
Dara tidak suka cerita. Dara tidak ingin mendengar cerita. Dara jarang sekali mendengar cerita. Tapi Dara ingat. Cerita tentang upik abu yang menikah dengan pangeran karena bantuan peri pelindung. Tapi Dara belajar. Dalam hidup yang panjang dan menyakitkan, peri pelindung tidak ada. Paling tidak, tidak untuk Dara. Dara adalah pengecualian. Cerita hanya membuat kita berharap. Harapan-harapan kosong. Dara juga tidak suka harapan-harapan kosong. Membuat kita buta.
Dara tidak suka harapan-harapan kosong. Harapan-harapan kosong menghempaskan kita dengan menyakitkan. Dara sering berurusan dengan harapan-harapan kosong. Harapan-harapan yang membuat Dara melayang untuk kemudian menghempaskannya. Dara mulai belajar kata-kata, ‘semakin tinggi kita terbang semakin sakit jatuhnya.” Dara tidak ingin jatuh. Maka Dara tidak mencoba terbang.
Tahu apa yang Dara suka? Dara suka menghilang. Dara suka menghilangkan eksistensinya. Dara suka menjadi angin. Dara suka tidak ada.
Masih banyak yang Dara tidak suka. Tapi hidup bukan pilihan. Dara terpaksa makan es krim kapan itu karena tidak ada makanan lain. Dara harus berurusan dengan banyak laki-laki. Dara harus mengurus ibu. Dara sering menangis dalam tidurnya walaupun dia tidak mau. Dara harus bicara karena Dara hidup. Dara harus menghabiskan hampir seluruh hidupnya dalam kesendirian karena Dara tidak punya siapa-siapa. Dara hidup dalam ketidak pastian sebenci apapun dia pada ketidak pastian. Dara menunggu seumur hidupnya dalam penantian tanpa akhir. Dara juga hidup dalam kebenaran bahwa hidup itu tidak adil. Dara tidak percaya pada siapa pun atau apa pun seberapa pun keinginannya untuk percaya. Dara hidup hidup dalam keharusan-keharusan yang terus ada. Dara hidup walaupun setengah mati dia ingin mati. Dara tidur setiap malam karena alam mengatakan begitu. Dara putus asa setiap hari dan setiap detik hidupnya. Dara sakit kemarin, flu, dan Dara sakit hati sejak dia lahir. Dara merasakan banyak emosi dalam hidupnya walaupun Dara tidak mengakuinya. Dara seringkali harus berteriak karena orang-orang terlalu tuli untuk mendengar. Dara mendengar banyak cerita setiap harinya walaupun dia menolak untuk mendengar. Dara berdiri di atas harapan-harapan kosong sejak dulu mungkin sampai dia mati.
Dan Dara tidak bisa menghilang.
note: thanks to Dara. a Little girl at "kampung Doank" that gave me the inspiration.
wish u a good life, kiddo. A better one than this Dara's
-me
was in my friendster blog
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